


Thunder and Lightning

by Samunderthelights



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vikings, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, Modern AU, Multiple Pairings, Protective Ragnar Lothbrok, Vikings, also about the rest of the family, mostly ragnar / athelstan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-01-24 03:51:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21331831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samunderthelights/pseuds/Samunderthelights
Summary: Ragnar and Athelstan haven't met before, but after Ragnar offers to fix up the community centre's garden, the two men become friends, and they find something in each other which they did not even know they were looking for.
Relationships: Athelstan/Lagertha/Ragnar Lothbrok, Athelstan/Ragnar Lothbrok, Lagertha/Ragnar Lothbrok
Comments: 24
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first longer story that I wrote for this fandom. Before this one I only wrote a Bjorn / Halfdan one-shot, so this is really my first story that is mostly focussed on Ragnar / Athelstan. But while it is mostly Ragnar / Athelstan, it is also about the rest of the family, and there are some other relationships in there. I'm not the best at tagging my stories, so I'm not sure if I should tag those other relationships, because they are not the main focus, so for now I have only tagged the main relationships, but if you think I should tag the others, or I have used a wrong tag, just let me know!  
So yeah, like I said, it's my first try, and it's just a modern AU, so it's not really following the show or anything. But I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it! xx

Ragnar is staring at the crowd that is gathered in front of the local community centre, when his son nudges him in the arm.

“Come on, let’s go,” Ubbe says, but his father just shrugs him off, before crossing the street and making his way over to the centre. “What are you…”

“Let’s see what is going on.”

Ubbe follows his father, as they make their way through the crowd, which mostly exists out of local families. Neither of them have been here before, and Ragnar can’t help but notice some of his neighbours staring at them, or pointing and whispering. And although it doesn’t bother him, it makes him feel sorry for his son.

But before he can ask him if he is okay, a handsome, but nervous-looking man comes up to them, dressed in a formal black suit, which makes him stand out like a sore thumb.

“Hello, I have not seen you here before, have I?” the man asks, flashing a friendly smile. “My name is Athelstan.”

“Ragnar. This is my son, Ubbe.”

“It’s nice to meet you both.”

“So what is going on here?” Ragnar asks.

“We are trying to raise money to fix up the community centre’s garden,” Athelstan explains. “With help from the local community, we are hoping to…”

“And you think you are going to raise enough money by selling cupcakes and lemonade?” Ragnar interrupts him, and Athelstan looks taken aback for a moment, but quickly recovers.

“Yes, that is the plan.”

“Can I see it?” Ragnar asks. “How much work needs to be done?”

“I’m not sure if…”

“Show me,” Ragnar interrupts him again. This time Athelstan smiles to himself, before shaking his head. “Well?” Ragnar asks, flashing his big, confident smile.

“Follow me.”

Ragnar and his son follow the man through the centre, into the area which is meant to become a beautiful, peaceful garden for the people who visit the centre. But for now it’s an overgrown piece of land, and it looks like no one has taken care of it for years.

“This is why we are trying to raise money, so we can fix this,” Athelstan explains.

“I know some guys who can do the work.”

“Yes?”

“We can only do a day or two every week, because we have other jobs as well, but…,” Ragnar says, and Ubbe looks at him with a confused look on his face. “What?”

“You guys are builders, now you are gardeners as well?” Ubbe asks.

“You stupid…” Ragnar rolls his eyes, before looking back at Athelstan.

“We do gardens as well. Ignore him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Ragnar reassures him, before giving his son a warning glare. “We will do it for free. Just pay us in food and drinks.”

“Oh, that’s… that’s a very kind offer,” Athelstan says, a shy smile on his face. “I would be very grateful for your help.”

“But?”

“I’m afraid I can’t accept it.”

“Why not?”

“Because…,” Athelstan begins, but then he looks back at the garden, or rather, what is meant to be a garden, and he sighs.

“I’ll see you next Tuesday then? Is three alright for you?”

“Ehm, sure…”

“Good.” Ragnar flashes his big grin, before putting his hand on his son’s back. “Let’s go.”

They turn around, and without saying another word, they make their way back to the front of the centre, where the crowd is still gathered. Ragnar grabs two cupcakes from the table, and walks off with them, leaving a group of people yelling after him.

“Leave him,” Athelstan says, when he realises what has happened. “He has paid for them.”

“But he just…”

“He has already paid for them.” he repeats, as he watches the man and his son cross the street, happily chatting away while eating their cupcakes. And he can’t help but smile to himself, when he thinks of the stranger’s kindness.

* * *

“You did what?” Rollo asks, slamming his hands on the table. “We are already busy with the Johnson job!”

“I know, but…”

“We can split up,” Floki suggests. “Double the work means double the money, so…”

“About that,” Ragnar begins, and his friend looks his way. “I said we would do it for free.”

“You fucking idiot!” Rollo spits out. “We don’t even do gardens.”

“Why?” Floki asks.

“Because they need help.”

“You don’t even know them,” Rollo says. “Have you ever even been to the community centre? It’s for druggies and…”

“And what?” Ragnar snaps at him, making Rollo realise what he has just said. “I should be right at home there then, shouldn’t I?”

“I didn’t mean…”

“I know exactly what you meant,” Ragnar says. “But we are going to help them, and that is that,” he adds, before leaving the room.

“So what, we are meant to work day and night then?” Rollo asks, but Floki just shrugs. “He is such a…”

“If you don’t like it, you can always look for other work,” Floki suggests. “No one is forcing you to work for your brother.”

* * *

“How did they take it?” Lagertha asks, when Ragnar gets home that night. “I don’t see any bruises?”

“Rollo doesn’t want to work any more than he does.”

“As expected. And Floki?”

“I’m not sure.” Ragnar shrugs. “We’ll just have to see if he shows up. And I’ve talked to Bjorn, and he has promised to help out.”

“And the others?”

“I…,” Ragnar begins, but Ubbe and Hvitserk walk into the living room, and they are in the middle of a discussion about their brother, so Ragnar and Lagertha keep quiet.

“… said that you told Ivar, that’s why mum knows,” Hvitserk says, but Ubbe has a confused look on his face, as he sits down on the couch. “I didn’t tell him.”

“You think I told him?” Ubbe asks.

“Sigurd thinks you told him. That’s why he’s upset.”

“Why would I tell Ivar? I never speak to him.”

“Did you tell mum?” Hvitserk asks, but then he looks up at his father, only now seeming to realise that he is here. “Sigurd told us something, but now Ivar knows, and Ivar told mum.”

“Right… should I care? Or is this some homework thing again?” Ragnar asks, and Lagertha can’t help but smile.

“No, it’s not,” Ubbe says. “But it doesn’t matter. Because Ivar is just trying to piss Sigurd off again, and mum probably doesn’t know anything. This is what he does.”

“Well, yes,” Ragnar agrees. “So again. Should I care?”

“No, but...”

“Good. How do you feel about doing something for the local community?”

“Here we go.” Ubbe rolls his eyes. “Is this about the community centre?”

“You could both use the work, couldn’t you?”

“Yes, actual work. I need money to get my own place,” Ubbe says, and his father sighs. “Helping this guy out with his garden isn’t going to help, is it?”

“Hvitserk?”

“No way. I’m not going to spend the summer in that place,” the teenager shrugs, before getting up and walking off. His brother follows, and Ragnar looks at Lagertha, who just shrugs.

“They are getting older, they have their own lives now.”

“They are selfish.”

“Would you have done it, at their age?” Lagertha asks.

“I was already a father when I was their age. I didn’t have time to go out and party. I had to work hard to provide for my family. I had to grow up and be responsible,” Ragnar says, and his partner raises an eyebrow. “Or at least that’s what I tell them.”

“Exactly.”

* * *

Sigurd hadn’t come out of his room for dinner, so now that Lagertha and his other sons are clearing up the table and doing the dishes, Ragnar has gone upstairs to see if his son is okay. He had shrugged off his sons’ comments about Sigurd being upset, because Ivar always gets under his skin, and it always passes after an hour or two. But Sigurd had never missed dinner before, that is not like him.

He knocks on the door, but there is no answer. So he opens the door, only to find Sigurd on the bed, with his eyes closed and his headphones on. Ragnar sits down on the edge of the bed, and it makes his son jump up.

“Hi,” Ragnar says, flashing a small smile. “Your brothers told me you are upset.”

“Did they tell you why?” Sigurd asks, a panicked look on his face.

“No. Well, they told me Ivar knows something he isn’t meant to know, and he told your mum.”

“He did.”

“Did he say he did, or did she say that?” Ragnar asks, but his son just shrugs. “You know he says things to hurt you, right?”

“I know.”

“Do you want me to talk to your mum?”

“No!” Sigurd quickly says, and Ragnar sighs.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen at school? Did you get into a fight?”

“No.”

“Is it girl trouble?” Ragnar asks, and his son’s face turns a dark shade of red. “Is it?” Ragnar laughs, nudging his son in the ribs.

“No,” the teenager says, looking down at his hands, which are fumbling with the chord of his headphones.

“Boy trouble then?”

A silence follows, and Ragnar can’t help but smile.

But then Sigurd shakes his head, still staring down at his hands.

“Well, if you want me to talk to your brother, or your mum, you tell me, okay? Or if you want to talk to me…”

“I don’t,” Sigurd quickly says.

“Or Lagertha?”

“No.”

“Okay.” Ragnar sighs, before taking his son’s hand in his, and giving it a squeeze. “But don’t let your brother get to you.”

“I won’t.”

* * *

“You didn’t think I was going to show up?” Ragnar asks, when he walks into the kitchen, after searching the entire building trying to find Athelstan.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I…”

“You forgot?”

“No,” Athelstan laughs, “Of course not. It’s just that the girl who usually brings cookies for tonight’s meeting, she is ill. So…”

“You can’t ask someone else to bring biscuits?” Ragnar suggests, making Athelstan smile.

“It’s not the same.”

“So we are having our meeting in the kitchen?”

“Give me a minute. I’ll be right there,” Athelstan says.

“Where do I go?”

“The garden,” Athelstan laughs. “I’ll be right there,” he adds, when Ragnar just looks at him. Ragnar flashes him a big grin, before leaving the kitchen, and making his way to the garden. A table and two seats are there now, and he sits down, before grabbing his sketchpad and a pencil out of his bag. He looks out into the garden, trying to come up with some ideas, but only now does he realise that at the far end of it, there is a shed. He wonders if they will have to tear it down, or if they can save it and put it to good use.

He is still staring out at the piece of land, when Athelstan joins him. He sets down the tray, on which there is fresh lemonade, and a plate with fresh cookies.

“May I?” Ragnar asks, but he already has one of the cookies in his hands.

“Of course.”

“Do you run this place by yourself?”

“I do,” Athelstan says. “Some lovely people help out, but I’m the only…”

“Are they all volunteers?” Ragnar interrupts him.

“They are.”

“Did you set this place up?”

“I did.” Athelstan flashes a shy smile. “I went through a difficult time, a few years ago. But then I found God, and I… What?” he laughs, when he sees Ragnar’s face.

“I’m sorry, I’m not religious. I don’t… I don’t get the whole ‘I found God’ thing. So you found religion, and then what?”

“My religion, and finding God, that helped me get through a difficult time in my life,” Athelstan tries to explain. “It gave me the strength I needed.”

“Maybe it was strength you had in you all along,” Ragnar suggests, and the other man flashes a shy smile.

“But after finding my way again, I wanted to give back. So I decided to set up this place,” Athelstan explains. “And with the help from the local church, and the local community, we have been able to make it into what it is today.”

“Well, I take my hat off to you for doing that,” Ragnar says. “I’ve walked past this place for years, but I assumed it was… well, actually I can’t say I’ve ever thought about who set it up, or… I can’t say I ever really thought about this place at all.”

“And here you are.”

“Here I am.” Ragnar grins.

* * *

“What do you want to do with this?” Ragnar asks, nudging his head towards the shed. They had spent some time coming up with ideas for the garden, and are now checking out the area, to see what they are working with. And although their ideas are fairly simple, the garden hasn’t been looked after for years, and it will take a lot of time to get it to where it needs to be.

“Oh, this…,” Athelstan says, looking at the shed. “This needs to stay.”

“Are you sure? I can take it down and build a new one, or…”

“You can’t,” Athelstan quickly says, an embarrassed look on his face. “It has to stay.”

“Why?” Ragnar asks, but before the other man has answered, he has already made his way over to the shed. “What is in there?” he laughs. “Is it drugs?”

“Please don’t,” Athelstan says, but Ragnar has already opened the door. He steps inside, and finds that this isn’t just a shed. This is someone’s home. Athelstan’s home.

“Is this even legal?” Ragnar asks, when he steps outside, and finds Athelstan still standing there, staring down at his feet.

“I don’t think so.”

“And what about…,” Ragnar begins, but then he sighs. “Do you have any idea how unsafe this thing is?”

“I do.”

“Why don’t you have a house out there somewhere? Or an apartment, or…”

“I’ve put all my money into this place,” Athelstan admits. “And this is fine, but…”

“No, it’s not,” Ragnar interrupts him. “This thing can collapse at any minute. Why can’t you stay at the centre? Sleep in one of the rooms in there.”

“Someone would find out. They would report it, and I would have to close down the centre. I can’t risk it.”

“This isn’t safe,” Ragnar says, putting his hand on the door of the shed. “At least let me build you a new shed.”

“If I am ever able to afford a new shed, I will know where to find you,” Athelstan says, before turning to walk away. But Ragnar grabs his arm, and he turns back around. “What?”

“What is going to happen to this place if something happens to you, huh?”

“I appreciate your concern, but…”

“But piss off?” Ragnar asks, and a small smile forms on Athelstan’s lips. Ragnar lets go of his arm, and takes a step back. “Suit yourself then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/


	2. Chapter 2

Ragnar is still thinking about Athelstan, the garden, and the community centre, when he gets home later that day. He is hoping to have a quiet night, but when he hears his ex-wife’s voice, he can feel chills running up and down his spine.

“Aslaug, what are you doing here?” he asks, trying to force a smile onto his face, but failing miserably.

“Perhaps it’s better if you sit down,” Lagertha suggests, but before Ragnar can even move, his ex-wife has already explained what is going on.

“Your son has gotten a girl pregnant.”

“What? Ivar? But…”

“Not Ivar,” Aslaug snaps at him. “Sigurd!”

“Are you sure?” Ragnar asks. “Sigurd? Our Sigurd?”

Sigurd and Ubbe step into the room, Sigurd with an embarrassed look on his face, his older brother clearly there for moral support.

“Is this true? You got a girl pregnant?” Ragnar asks, but Sigurd just shrugs.

“The girl told him she’s late,” Ubbe explains.

“When was this?” Lagertha asks. “Has she taken a test? Is she sure?”

“She told me last week,” Sigurd explains, staring down at his feet. “But…”

“And I had to hear from Ivar! You didn’t even tell me!” Aslaug snaps.

“He didn’t tell Ivar either. He probably heard from someone at school, and decided to tell you, even though he had no right to,” Ubbe explains. “We don’t even know if she’s pregnant or not.”

“Have you asked her?” Ragnar asks, but his son shakes his head. “Don’t you want to know?”

“If you are going to be a father, then…”

“I don’t even know her,” Sigurd admits. “Not really.”

Ragnar and Lagertha share a worried look, but before they can reassure Sigurd that it’s going to be okay, Aslaug has stepped up to her son.

“How can you be so stupid? What if she is pregnant, huh? How are you going to raise a child?” she asks, her son visibly fighting against his tears. “I’ve always known you were stupid, but…”

“Stop it!” Ragnar cuts her off. “If the girl is pregnant, then we will find a way to deal with it. Lagertha and I were his age when we had Bjorn, and we found a way to make it work. So…” He sighs. “This is not ideal, but… we will make it work.”

“Are you kidding me?” Aslaug asks, as she turns to face him. “That is it? He gets a girl pregnant at his age, and that is all you have to say?”

“Well, it’s already done, isn’t it? What do you want me to do? Tell him to use a condom next time? I think he gets that.” Ragnar shrugs, and Lagertha can’t help but smile.

“This will be your problem. I am not going to take care of it,” Aslaug says, and Ragnar looks at his partner, a confused look on his face.

“It? Does she mean…?”

“I think she does.”

“Really?” Ragnar asks, before looking back at his ex-wife. “Your first grandchild, and that is what you say? I think it’s time for you to go home.”

“But we haven’t…”

“Oh, I think we are done here,” Ragnar says, and he opens the front door. He flashes her a forced smile, and when they all stare at her, clearly wanting her to leave, she knows she has no choice. So she leaves the house, and Ragnar slams the door shut behind her.

“I’m sorry,” Sigurd mumbles, but Ragnar just shrugs.

“Don’t you listen to your mother. You are not stupid, okay?” he says, as he steps up to him, and wraps his arms around him. “Maybe a little, but…,” he adds, bringing a small smile to his son’s face. “I’m still proud of you.”

“Thanks, dad.”

* * *

“Is it true? Are you going to be a grandfather?” Rollo asks, when days later, they are working in the community centre’s garden.

“Sigurd still hasn’t spoken to the girl. So I don’t know.” Ragnar shrugs.

“The boy takes after his father,” Floki laughs. “Didn’t you have Bjorn at his age?”

“We did. But…,” Ragnar begins, but when he notices Athelstan coming out into the garden, he stops.

Athelstan had been wearing a formal black suit when they had first met, and for their meeting he had been wearing a suit as well, but now he is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and Ragnar can’t help but smile to himself, because he looks so different.

“How is it going?”

“It’s one hell of a job,” Rollo says, and Ragnar can’t help but laugh. “What? What did I say?”

“Nothing,” Ragnar laughs, but he remembers his and Athelstan’s conversation about religion, about God, and they share a knowing look.

“Will your son be joining us today as well?” Athelstan asks, as he kneels down to pick up a flower. It had come loose with all the others, while they had dug up that part of the garden, and it would have been thrown away, but here Athelstan is, trying to save it. And although it is the smallest of gestures, it brings a small smile to Ragnar’s face.

“Bjorn?” Floki asks, when Ragnar doesn’t answer. “I think he’ll be here next week.”

“I would love to meet him.” Athelstan flashes a smile, but there is no answer from either of the men. Floki and Rollo have made it clear to Ragnar that they are not happy with this arrangement, and they are not sure what to make of Athelstan. They are not even trying to hide it. “If there’s anything you need, please let me know.”

“We will.”

“I really appreciate this,” Athelstan says, before leaving the garden again.

“If there’s anything you need,” Floki repeats, in a mocking voice, making Rollo laugh, but Ragnar just glares at him. “What? He keeps saying it, and yet, he is in there, doing God knows what, while we are out here, doing all the hard work. For free.”

“I like him,” Ragnar simply states, before going back to work.

* * *

“Ragnar?” Athelstan asks, and Ragnar jumps up. “It’s getting late.”

“I didn’t realise,” Ragnar laughs to himself, and he looks up, only now realising that the sun is already starting to set. “Do you want me to go?”

“You can stay if you want, but you’ve been here all day. You should go home, be with your family. Lagertha must hate me for keeping you here.” Athelstan flashes a smile, as Ragnar wipes his hands on his shirt, before coming up to him.

“She doesn’t mind. We ehm… we’re not like your average couple,” Ragnar laughs. “I actually think she’s with her girlfriend tonight.”

“Her…? Right…”

“Don’t look so shocked,” Ragnar laughs, nudging him in the arm. “Are you blushing?”

“No,” Athelstan laughs, and Ragnar puts an arm around his shoulder, and pulls him close. “I’m not!”

“Yes, you are,” Ragnar laughs, before letting go of him again. The other man has a big smile on his face, and nothing of the nervous, formally-dressed man that Ragnar had met, only weeks ago, is left. He seems so much more comfortable now, and it is clear that a friendship is developing between them.

“I have just prepared dinner,” Athelstan says. “You can stay and join me, if you want to, and you don’t have to go home yet.”

“Sure, why not?” Ragnar shrugs. “Just let me get cleaned up.”

They both go into the centre, which is closed to the public by now, and it’s odd to find it so empty. There are usually people around, or there are meetings or gatherings being held, but now there is nothing but silence. And when Ragnar steps into the bathroom, and looks at himself in the mirror, he can’t help but smile. Because only weeks ago, he had never been here before, and now here he is, alone with Athelstan, after the centre has closed, able to take a look ‘behind the curtain’.

When he goes back into the garden, Athelstan is waiting for him at the table, and dinner and drinks are on the table.

“I was just thinking…”

“Yes?” Athelstan laughs. “You’re not changing your plans again, are you?”

“No,” Ragnar laughs. “But what do you do, when you bring home a woman? There is no room in your shed, is there? For a candlelight dinner, wine… I’ve seen the bed, but…,” he laughs, and a dark blush appears on the other man’s face. “Or a man,” he quickly adds, having made the mistake before to wrongly assume.

“I don’t,” Athelstan says, but Ragnar doesn’t understand what he means. “I don’t bring anyone home.”

“You go home with them, or…?”

“No. After I lost my way, I…” Athelstan shrugs.

“You found God,” Ragnar suggests, and the other man flashes a shy smile.

“I did. But I hurt someone, real badly,” Athelstan explains. “And after that, I decided I wasn’t going to sleep with someone again.”

“You…?” Ragnar asks, trying to put two and two together, but hoping to be wrong about what he is coming up with. And when Athelstan realises what it sounds like, he quickly shakes his head.

“Oh, no, I didn’t… I didn’t hurt someone, not like that! But I had an affair with a married woman, and I hurt her and her husband by doing that. It was selfish, and…”

“I see. I’m glad you explained that one,” Ragnar laughs. “For a second there I thought you had done something else. But don’t you miss it?”

“I don’t.”

“So… you will never do it again?” Ragnar asks, and Athelstan can’t help but smile at the other man’s confusion.

“I’m too busy with this place.” Athelstan shrugs, and Ragnar looks out at the shed, clearly still thinking about what Athelstan has just told him. “So, may I ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Lagertha, she has a girlfriend?”

“She does.”

“How does that work?”

“You want to know how it works?” Ragnar asks, for a moment confused as to what Athelstan is asking, but then he realises that he isn’t asking him about Lagertha and her girlfriend at all, but about how it works in relation to their marriage.

“Don’t you get jealous?”

“No.” Ragnar shrugs. “She’s happy, I’m happy…”

“But if she’s seeing someone else, does that mean that you… I mean, I have heard people saying things about you and your family, but…”

“Oh, really?” Ragnar flashes his big grin, and Athelstan looks down at his plate, an embarrassed look on his face.

“I apologise, perhaps I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Don’t worry. I know what they say about us. I see them staring, or pointing at us and whispering. It’s fine.” Ragnar shrugs. “They think we’re freaks because we are not like most people around here. But then they go off, and they cheat on their partners behind their backs.”

“I suppose that’s true, but… if you are both seeing other people, doesn’t it affect your marriage?”

“Oh, we’re not married. We were, when we were younger,” Ragnar explains.

“But I thought…”

“We’ve only been together for a few years again,” he continues to explain. “We first got together when we were fourteen. And we were only together for a few months, when she got pregnant. We were not exactly in a state to become parents, so…” He shrugs.

“What do you mean?”

“We were doing drugs, I had just been kicked out of school… But when people started telling us that we had to give up the baby, because we wouldn’t be able to take care of him, we got clean, I got a job…” Ragnar looks up at the sky, and he sighs, a sad look on his face.

“What happened?”

“A few years later we had a little girl, and she ehm…” Ragnar swallows hard, still looking up at the sky, trying to fight against his tears. He never speaks about this, and he hadn’t been planning on telling Athelstan, but there is something about him that makes him feel like he can open up to him. That makes him feel like he can be himself. Like he won’t be judged.

“She was seven months old, when one night she got this fever,” he explains. “We went to the hospital, but they sent us away. Then when the next day she was still crying, we went back, but… We were told that she was fine. It was nothing.”

He looks back at Athelstan, who has a sympathetic look on his face.

“Two days later she stopped crying, and she stopped moving. We rushed to the hospital, but…” He shrugs, and the other man reaches out to put a hand on his. “Losing our little girl, it drove me mad.”

“I am so sorry.”

“I started doing drugs again, I stayed out, just to not have to face Lagertha and Bjorn… I couldn’t..,” He swallows hard, still fighting his tears. “I couldn’t be there for them.”

Athelstan’s hand is still on Ragnar’s, and Ragnar stares down at it, before turning his hand, so he can slide his fingers in between the other man’s fingers.

He looks up, and finds Athelstan staring at him, with a nervous, but curious look on his face. It makes Ragnar want to reach out to him, but instead, he just flashes a small smile, before continuing his story.

“I was out of it, every night, and one night I met this girl. She was gorgeous, but…” He shrugs. “We started seeing each other, and before I knew it, she was pregnant.”

“Did you and Lagertha already have this… arrangement back then?”

“No,” Ragnar quickly says. “Definitely not. And when Aslaug was pregnant, I knew I had to tell Lagertha. It turns out she had known about her for months, but now that there was going to be a child, she couldn’t ignore it anymore. So we got a divorce, and I moved in with Aslaug.”

“And the child, that was Ubbe?” Athelstan asks, and Ragnar nods, before letting go of his hand.

“We couldn’t stand each other, but we stayed together for his sake. She was some spoiled, rotten… I still can’t stand her.”

“Yet you had more children?”

“I was still doing drugs every day,” Ragnar explains. “I was trying to numb the pain, so… I don’t even remember half of the things I did back then. I don’t remember Ubbe taking his first steps, or… I don’t even remember Hvitserk being born. I don’t remember her telling me she was pregnant with Sigurd…”

“When did you get clean?”

“When Ivar was born.” Ragnar sighs. “He ehm… they weren’t sure if he was going to survive, because of a deformity he has. And when they told us, that made me snap out of it. The thought of losing another child… That made me realise that I had to be there for the children I did have.”

“And Ivar?”

“He has had surgery after surgery, but he survived. He can even walk,” Ragnar says, a proud smile on his face. “He has proved them all wrong.”

“May I ask how you ended up back in a relationship with Lagertha again?”

“Aslaug and I were always focused on our sons, especially Ivar, with all the doctors, the surgeries… and once that stopped, and the boys were getting older, and more independent, we realised we had nothing in common. We didn’t even like each other. So we got a divorce, and then a few months later, Bjorn moved out. So Lagertha and I helped him move, and after that, she invited me over for a glass of wine…”

“Ah, a glass of wine,” Athelstan laughs, a big grin forming on Ragnar’s face.

“We’ve been together ever since. But this time we decided to not get married, to keep seeing other people, to sometimes bring other people in…,” Ragnar explains, and he can’t help but notice the blush on the other man’s face. “We decided to have a bit more fun with it this time.”

“Do your sons know?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t they mind?” Athelstan asks, and Ragnar shrugs.

“If we bring someone to the house, we try to make sure they’re gone by the time the boys wake up, but there have been times when they have seen people leave. But they have their own lives now. Sigurd may have even gotten a girl pregnant, so…”

“Really?” Athelstan laughs. “You are going to be a grandfather?”

“Maybe.”

Ragnar takes a bite from his dinner, which has gotten cold by now, but when he looks up at Athelstan, he realises he should have waited.

“I am so sorry. You still have to do your… thing.”

“What?” Athelstan laughs.

“Thank you God, for this food. Amen. All that.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“No,” Ragnar says. “I mean it. That is what you do before dinner, isn’t it?” he asks, and Athelstan nods, an uncertain look on his face. “I am not mocking you. I swear.”

“Thank you,” Athelstan says, flashing a shy smile. He bows his head and closes his eyes, and when Ragnar watches him, he can’t help but smile.

He has never been around anyone like Athelstan, and at first he didn’t think he was going to like him much. But the more time he spends with him, the more he understands him, the more he is starting to respect him. The more he comes to care for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

“What is going on here?” Ragnar asks, when he gets outside. He had been trying to do the books, after weeks of doing two jobs at once. It was supposed to be his only afternoon off, and he is already irritated about having to work again, but now that he sees his sons rolling around in the grass, fighting and shouting at each other, his blood is starting to boil.

  
“What is wrong with you?” he asks, as he drags Ivar off of Sigurd. But Sigurd jumps him, and it isn’t until Ubbe runs out into the garden, that they manage to keep the two teenagers away from each other.

  
“What the hell?” Ubbe asks, as he pushes Sigurd into one of the chairs. “Since when do you fight?”

  
“He started it!”

  
“Really?” Ivar asks, raising an eyebrow, as his father hands him his crutches. “You are such a little bitch.”

  
“Enough!” Ragnar snaps. “I don’t care who started it. I am sick and tired of you two not getting along. What is wrong with you? You are brothers!”

  
“He…,” Sigurd begins, but when his brother shows him an evil grin, he quickly looks down at his feet.

  
“Is…,” Ragnar begins, but then they hear the doorbell ring, and he rolls his eyes. “That must be your mum.”

  
“Tick tock, brother,” Ivar laughs, before making his way into the house, with his father following. They go over to the front door, where Aslaug is waiting to pick Ivar up to take him back home. But as soon as they reach the door, Hvitserk storms down the stairs to join them.

  
“Can we talk?”

  
“Sure,” Aslaug says, a little confused, before the four of them make their way into the living room. “What is it?”

  
“I was thinking, how about I move in with you and Ivar?”

  
“Oh, ehm…”

  
“Really?” Ivar asks, and his brother nods. “Cool.”

  
“Did you know about this?” Aslaug asks, looking over to her ex-husband.

  
“This is the first I’ve heard of this. Why do you want to move out?” Ragnar asks, but his son just shrugs. “It’s fine with me, if that’s what you really want, but…”

  
“Of course,” Aslaug says, flashing a small smile, but Ragnar can see that she doesn’t mean it. He knows that she loves her sons, but she is already struggling with just Ivar, so he can imagine the stress it will give her to have Hvitserk there as well. But if his son wants to move in with his mother and his brother, he sure isn’t going to stop him.

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” Athelstan asks, as he turns to look back at the community centre.

  
“Yes,” Ragnar laughs. “Lagertha wants to meet you, and you could do with a break.”

  
“But…”

  
“Don’t make me throw you over my shoulder and carry you all the way,” Ragnar laughs, when he sees the hesitant look on Athelstan’s face. “Come on, let’s go.”

  
They cross the street, and in silence make their way over to the Lothbrok family home, where Lagertha and the boys have already started the barbecue.

  
Ragnar can’t help but notice Athelstan’s awkwardness, so he puts an arm around his shoulder, as he leads him into the garden.

  
“You must be Athelstan!” Lagertha says, as she comes up to them, and before the man can even say a word, she wraps her arms around him, to give him a big hug. “Come on, sit down! What can I get you? Beer, wine?”

  
“Oh, ehm…”

  
“Relax, she doesn’t bite,” Ragnar laughs. “Unless that’s what you’re into, of course.” He winks, before walking off, to go and grab him and Athelstan something to drink.

  
“Hi, I’m Sigurd,” the teenager says, “This is…”

  
“We’ve met,” Ubbe interrupts him. “At the fundraiser.”

  
“Yes.” Athelstan flashes a small smile. A young man sits down next to him, but Athelstan doesn’t recognise him as one of Ragnar’s sons, and for a moment he worries if he has gotten the young men mixed up. He knows Bjorn, he knows Ubbe, now Sigurd. Surely this can’t be Hvitserk or Ivar, can it? He looks too old. But before he can ask, the young man has stuck out his hand to introduce himself.

  
“Halfdan. I’m Bjorn’s friend.”

  
“Oh, alright.”

  
“What, you didn’t think I was another one of Ragnar’s kids, did you?” the young man laughs.

  
“Don’t even make jokes like that,” Bjorn laughs, as he joins them. “That would be too weird.”

  
“Why?” Lagertha asks. “You’ve been friends since you were children. We’ve seen him grow up, so I’d say he’s like a son to us too.”

  
“The more the merrier,” Ragnar adds, when he joins them again, a few bottles of wine in his hands. The two young men share a knowing look, before shaking their heads.

* * *

It’s long after midnight, and Sigurd had gone to bed hours ago. After he had left, another bottle of wine had been opened, and Bjorn had gotten his guitar out. They had all ended up sitting around the fire, singing songs, and Ragnar had watched Athelstan’s awkwardness, his shyness around these people, who had been strangers to him up until today, slowly but surely disappear.

  
But minutes ago, rain had started to pour from the sky, and it had started to thunder, and lightning is lighting up the sky. The young men and Lagertha are frantically trying to clear the table, and to get everything inside, while Ragnar and Athelstan are in the back of the garden, checking to make sure the fence is locked.

  
But the storm is so heavy, that Athelstan gets slammed into the fence. Ragnar quickly grabs him, and puts a hand on the side of his neck, to check if he is okay. Athelstan gives a small nod, but he seems to be a little dazed, so Ragnar flashes a smile.  
“You’re still in one piece,” he says, but he isn’t even sure if Athelstan can hear him over the rumbling of the thunder. He stares into the other man’s face, and before he has even thought it through, he has kissed him. But Athelstan doesn’t kiss him back, nor does he push him away. He simply stands there, still a little dazed from being slammed into the fence.

  
Ragnar can’t make out what Athelstan is thinking, when he looks at him, after having kissed him, so he simple flashes a smile, before putting an arm around his shoulder.

  
“Let’s go,” he says, before leading him through the garden, into the house, where the others are waiting for them.

  
“You can’t go home like this,” Bjorn says, but Halfdan just shrugs. “It’s not safe for you to drive in this weather.”

  
“I’ll be fine.”

  
“Bjorn is right. You can stay in Hvitserk’s old room,” Lagertha says. “I’m not going to let you risk your life.”

  
“But what about…,” Ubbe begins, looking over to Athelstan. But when he sees the look on his father’s face, he keeps quiet.

  
“Go on, have a shower, get warm. Then off to bed, okay?” Ragnar says, and his sons know when they are being told when to leave. So they quickly say their goodnights, before going upstairs.

  
“Another wine?” Lagertha asks, and there is a look on his partner’s face, which Ragnar recognises. He has seen it dozens of times, usually when they are out at a club, and one of them spots someone they like. He raises an eyebrow, and she gives a little nod. They have had this silent conversation so many times by now, that nothing else needs to be said.

* * *

Athelstan is just about to go into the bathroom, to have a shower, to go and sleep on the couch after that. But the door to Ragnar and Lagertha’s bedroom opens, and he jumps up. And when he sees Ragnar standing there, without any clothes on, he can’t help but blush.

  
“So…”

  
“I was just going to…,” Athelstan explains, pointing to the bathroom.

  
“Want to join us?” Ragnar asks, but the other man just stares at him, a confused look on his face. “What?” he laughs, the look on Athelstan’s face growing even more confused. So he steps out of the bedroom, up to Athelstan, and puts his hands on his arms.

  
“What are you…”

  
“You know what I am asking, Athelstan.” Ragnar flashes his big grin, before leaning over, his mouth nearly touching the other man’s ear. “Want to join us?”

  
“I…” Athelstan can feel his heart beating out of his chest. But when Ragnar kisses his neck, he can’t help but melt into it, a shy smile forming on his face.

  
Ragnar takes his hand, and leads him into the bedroom, where Lagertha is sitting up in bed. For a moment, Athelstan wonders what she will think, what she will say. But when he sees the look on her face, he realises she already knew he was coming. That this was probably her idea.

  
But before he can think about it any more, Ragnar has started kissing his neck again, and he closes his eyes, the wine now starting to go to his head. Or perhaps it is simply the fact that his brain is struggling to process what is happening.

  
Ragnar stops kissing him, a big grin on his face, and when Athelstan sees it, he can’t help but laugh. Because to him, this is absurd, and he isn’t even sure if it is truly happening, or if he has fallen asleep, and this is all just a silly dream.

  
But when Ragnar helps him get out of his t-shirt, which is still soaking wet, and sticking to his body, it starts to hit him that this is real, and this is happening. He looks down at Ragnar, who has sunk down to his knees, and who has started kissing his stomach. The kisses being gentle, and careful, and it makes him feel a fluttering in his stomach. But when he looks up, and he sees Lagertha staring at them, a ping of guilt goes through his body. And although he knows that this is what they do, and this is something that they both want, it still feels odd to have someone kissing him, with their partner in the room.

  
Lagertha seems to notice his hesitation, because she winks at him, before flashing a smile, and it eases his nerves. And when he looks down at Ragnar, who is still placing kisses on his stomach, an excitement washes over him which he hasn’t felt for years.

  
Ragnar starts to undo his jeans, and Athelstan can feel his legs starting to shake, and when Ragnar slides down his jeans, exposing his naked body, his legs nearly give out. But this time he can’t blame the wine. This time the nerves are to blame. He hasn’t slept with anyone for years, and here he is, not only with Ragnar, who has grown to be his best friend over the last weeks, but also with Lagertha. Sure, he is excited, and more than just a little turned on, but he can’t help but feel such a pressure weighing down on him, that he struggles to catch his breath.

  
“Relax,” Ragnar whispers into his ear, before placing a quick kiss on his neck. Athelstan quickly steps out of his jeans, and kicks them to the side of the room. Ragnar flashes him his big grin again, before wrapping an arm around his waist, and pulling their bodies together. He starts kissing him, and where their kiss before, outside, had been one-sided, this time Athelstan has no hesitation to kiss him back.

  
“Enjoying yourselves, boys?” Lagertha asks, and they look at her, their bodies still pressed up against each other.

  
“Jealous?” Ragnar laughs. He kisses Athelstan one more time, before letting go of him, and leading him to the edge of the bed. Lagertha takes off her nightshirt, and for a moment, the world seems to be frozen, and nothing can be heard, except for the storm outside.

  
It isn’t until Ragnar steps up behind Athelstan, and wraps his arms around his waist, pressing his body up against him, that the world inside seems to come alive again. Ragnar starts kissing Athelstan’s neck, making him weak at the knees, a shy smile forming on his face, but while he is still trying to find the strength to deal with his kisses, Lagertha makes her way over to him, a confident look on her face, nothing but fire in her eyes. She presses her body up against him, before kissing him. But whereas Ragnar’s kisses are gentle, careful, kind, her kisses are rough, they are full of passion, fire. They are full of confidence, like she knows what she wants, and she is here to come and get it.

  
Athelstan kisses her back, but for just a moment, he hesitates, and he starts to wonder if coming here was a good idea. But when he feels Ragnar taking his hand, and sliding his fingers in between his, a sense of calm washes over him, and he knows he is safe.

* * *

When Ragnar wakes up the next morning, he feels the warmth of someone’s body pressed up against his. He is hoping it is Athelstan, but he is nervous to open his eyes. Nervous to find him gone. Nervous to have scared him off, and to have lost his friend after what had happened between the three of them last night.

  
“Are you awake?”

  
“Mhm,” Ragnar mumbles, and the fact that it is indeed Athelstan who is in bed with him, brings a smile to his face. He finally opens his eyes, and the younger man turns around, a nervous look on his face. “Are you okay?”

  
Athelstan just nods, but Ragnar can see that he is scared.

  
“Do you regret last night?”

  
“No, of course not,” Athelstan answers, and Ragnar brings a hand up to the side of his face. “I just… I don’t want to ruin things between us, Ragnar.”

  
“Nothing has changed. I promise.” Ragnar flashes a small smile, before placing a quick kiss on his cheek. “Now go on, have a shower, get dressed. I’ll see you downstairs, okay?”

  
Athelstan gives a nod, his face flushed, and Ragnar can’t help but smile, before getting out of bed and putting on some clothes, before going downstairs, where his sons are already having breakfast.

  
“So…,” Sigurd begins, but Ubbe shoots him a warning glare, and he keeps quiet. “Toast?” he then asks, and Ragnar shakes his head, smiling to himself.

* * *

Athelstan had joined them for breakfast, only minutes later, and there had been an awkwardness, because it had been obvious that they were all trying to ignore the elephant in the room. But so far, no one had brought up the fact that Athelstan had obviously spent the night with Ragnar and Lagertha, and Athelstan is more than just a little grateful for it. And he can actually feel himself starting to relax, and starting to think that perhaps they can simply ignore this and move on from it, when Halfdan looks up at him.

  
“Didn’t I see you leave Ragnar and Lagertha’s room this morning?” he asks, and Bjorn nearly chokes on his toast. He glares at his friend, who just shrugs. “What?”

  
“You…”

  
“Were we not supposed to mention that?” Halfdan asks, but when he sees Ubbe rolling his eyes, and Ragnar trying to hold back his laughter, he gets a sheepish grin on his face. “Oh…”

  
“But I thought you were…,” Sigurd begins, and they all look at him. “You know…” He points at the cross, hanging from Athelstan’s neck. “Are you even allowed to do stuff like that?”

  
“I…”

  
“How about you mind your own business, huh?” Ragnar interrupts them. “Let’s not question Athelstan on whether he is allowed to…”

  
“Hook up with you and Lagertha,” Ubbe suggests, and his father glares at him.

  
“Yes, thank you, Ubbe.” Ragnar sighs, before looking back at Sigurd. “Don’t you have to get ready for school anyway?”

  
“Yeah, but…”

  
“Well?” Ragnar asks, but Sigurd just shrugs, before getting up. “Oh, and Sigurd? Have you talked to the girl yet?”

  
“Mhm.”

  
“And?”

  
“It was a false alarm.”

  
“And when were you going to tell us?” Ragnar asks, but his son just shrugs, before leaving the room. “Did you know about this?”

  
“Yes.” Ubbe shrugs. “But you were busy with…,” he adds, nudging his head in Athelstan’s direction.

  
“You… oh, for fuck sake. I am too busy? I work two jobs, Ubbe, but…”

  
“Exactly.”

  
“To provide for you and your brothers.”

  
“By working for free?” Ubbe asks. “How exactly are you doing that for us? I’m not saying…”

  
“Really?” Ragnar cuts him off. “I try to help out a friend, and…”

  
“A friend?” Ubbe scoffs. “You didn’t even know the guy.”

  
“Really?”

  
“What?”

  
“Go.”

“But…”

  
“Go,” Ragnar warns his son, an angry look on his face. Ubbe glares at him, before getting up, and storming out of the room. “I’m sorry, he…”

  
“It’s fine,” Athelstan says, trying to hide how embarrassed he is. How guilty he feels for causing this. Ragnar grabs his coffee, but the tension can be cut with a knife. But then Halfdan grabs himself another egg, and he finally breaks the silence.

  
“Man, I love this family,” he laughs, and they all glare at him. “What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

“What are you doing here?” Athelstan asks, when later that day, Ubbe walks into his office.

  
“I’m here to apologise for this morning.”

  
“Did your father make you?” Athelstan asks, a small smile on his face, and the young man sits down, an embarrassed look on his face.

  
“No. What I said to you, and about you… I shouldn’t have said that.”

  
“It’s fine, I…”

  
“No, it’s not fine,” Ubbe says. “I ehm… when I realised you had spent the night with my father and Lagertha…,” he sighs. “I don’t know what my father has told you, about what he was like, when me and my brothers were younger. Do you know about the drugs?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“It was like not having him there at all,” Ubbe admits. “When Ivar was born, he got clean, but… he hates my mother, and she hates him, so…” He struggles to find the words, and he looks down at his hands. “He would go out, and he would stay out for days, sometimes weeks… I am not saying he was an absent father, but…”

  
“I know.”

  
“He was unhappy,” Ubbe explains. “And it wasn’t until they separated, and he got together with Lagertha again, that everything changed. He was there for us, he seemed happy… But then you gave him this job, and…”

  
“He has spent a lot of time here, hasn’t he?” Athelstan asks, and the young man nods, now seeming younger than his years. He seems insecure, vulnerable, and Athelstan appreciates that he has come here, to explain, to apologise.

  
“And this morning, when I realised what had happened…,” Ubbe sighs. “I felt like you were trying to split them up. Like you were trying to take him away from us,” he admits. “I know you’re not, and that it’s stupid, but…”

  
“It’s not,” Athelstan quickly says. “It must be odd for you, because I’m just a stranger, and here I am, keeping your father busy with work, all of the sudden I’m at your home… I understand what it must seem like, Ubbe. But I will tell your father to spend more time at home, with you and your brothers.”

  
“I am not blaming you, I just…”

  
“You are scared to lose him again,” Athelstan says, and Ubbe nods. “I get it.”

* * *

Ragnar had done most of the work in the garden on his own so far, because Floki and Rollo had only joined him a few times. He doesn’t mind, but now that his brother and friend are here with him, it feels awkward, because he isn’t used to it.

  
“What are we doing with that?” Floki asks, pointing at the shed. “Is it staying?”

  
“I am building a new one.”

  
“You are, or we are?” Rollo asks.

  
“We are, and it’s a surprise for Athelstan, so…,” Ragnar says, but before he can finish his sentence, Athelstan has walked out into the garden with drinks and sandwiches for them.

  
“How is it going?” Athelstan asks, a big smile on his face. But Rollo and Floki ignore him, and it makes him feel more than just a little hurt. He has been nothing but kind to them, and they have treated him like this ever since they met. No matter how hard he tries, he just can’t get through to them, and it is starting to get to him. But when Ragnar comes up to him, and wraps an arm around his shoulder, a warmth goes through his body, and when Ragnar nuzzles his face into the crook of his neck, he can’t help but smile.

  
“What do you think?” Ragnar asks, before grabbing one of the drinks from the tray, his other arm still around the other man’s shoulder. “It’s actually starting to look like a garden instead of a jungle, isn’t it?”

  
“It is. I can’t thank you enough for this, it’s…”

  
“Why didn’t you fix this place up sooner?” Rollo cuts him off, and Athelstan is a little taken aback, but he tries not to let it show.

  
“Unfortunately I could not afford it before.”

  
“You can’t afford it now.”

  
“No,” Athelstan admits, still trying not to show how intimidated he is by Rollo and Floki. “That is why I am so grateful for the help your brother offered.”

  
“Our help.”

  
“Yes,” Athelstan says, and Rollo nods, trying to stare him down. But Athelstan won’t back down, and it isn’t until Ragnar slides his hand down his arm, teasingly, until he settles on his waist, that Floki finally opens his mouth.

  
“That’s funny,” he chuckles. “It looks like we’re the fools here.”

  
“Huh?” Ragnar asks, a confused look on his face.

  
“It looks like we’re the only ones who are getting no payment,” Floki says, his eyes wandering down to Ragnar’s hand, which is still resting on Athelstan’s waist.

  
“What are you saying, huh?” Ragnar asks, a mischievous smile forming on his friend’s lips.

  
“I think you know what I am saying.”

  
“Well, don’t,” Ragnar warns him, before looking at Athelstan. “Thank you, Athelstan. And I’m sorry about…”

  
Athelstan flashes a nervous smile, before quickly making his way through the garden, back into the community centre, to get back to work.

  
“What is wrong with you two, huh?” Ragnar asks, raising an eyebrow. “What has he ever done to you?”

  
“Are you and him hooking up then?” his brother asks, but Ragnar just rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “It sure looks like the guy…”

  
“Don’t,” Ragnar warns him. “You want to know who I share my bed with, huh?” he asks, as he steps up to him. “Do you?”

  
“I…”

  
“You leave him alone, do you hear me?” Ragnar spits out. “I don’t want to hear any more stupid comments, from either of you. Is that understood?”

  
“Or what?” Floki asks, but when Ragnar shoots him an angry glare, he quickly looks away.

  
“Just don’t.”

* * *

“What are you thinking of?” Lagertha asks, as she looks up at her partner. They are in bed, cuddled up, enjoying the fact that they finally have the house to themselves.

  
“I had an argument with Rollo and Floki.”

  
“About work?”

  
“About Athelstan,” Ragnar explains. “They can’t stand him, even though he has done nothing wrong.”

  
“Perhaps they are jealous,” Lagertha suggests. “Floki has always been your best friend, and here you are, spending all of your time with Athelstan. And Rollo, well… he has always been jealous.”

  
“I wish they could all just get along.”

  
“Give it time.”

  
Ragnar is about to say something, but they can hear Ubbe, Hvitserk and Sigurd storming into the house, even though they were supposed to spend the night at their mother’s.

  
They quickly get dressed, and go downstairs, and find them all riled up.

  
“What’s going on?”

  
“Sigurd and Ivar got into a fight again,” Ubbe explains. “Mum sent us home, so…”

  
“She sent you away as well?” Ragnar asks, looking at Hvitserk.

  
“No, but I don’t want to be there right now. Mum always chooses Ivar’s side, even though he’s clearly picking on Sigurd,” the teenager explains, and Ragnar gets a proud smile on his face. “I can sleep on the couch…”

  
“You can stay in your old room.”

  
“What happened?” Lagertha asks. “What was the fight about?”

  
“Nothing,” Sigurd quickly says, but it’s obvious that he is lying.

  
“Tell them,” Ubbe says, before putting a hand on his arm. “It’s okay.”

  
“No!”

  
“Sigurd…”

  
“No,” the teenager repeats, before storming out of the room, and stomping up the stairs.

  
“Is something wrong?” Ragnar asks, but Ubbe just shrugs. “You’d tell me, wouldn’t you?”

  
“Nothing’s wrong. He just…”

  
“He will tell you when he’s ready,” Hvitserk says, giving his brother a warning look, to keep him quiet.

  
“He didn’t get a girl pregnant, did he? For real this time.”

  
“No,” Ubbe says, before looking up at the ceiling, a worried look on his face. “He didn’t.”

* * *

Ragnar has just come home from work, and when he walks into the kitchen, he finds Ubbe sitting at the kitchen table, painting his nails.

  
“Give me that,” Ragnar says, and for a moment, there is a nervous look on his son’s face. But when Ragnar sits down with him, and takes the nail varnish from him, only to take over the job, he relaxes.

  
“Dad, I…”

  
“Trying out a new look?” Ragnar asks.

  
“Mhm,” Ubbe mumbles, looking down at his hands. Not only are his nails now painted black, he also has a black line around his eyes, making his bright eyes stand out. And when Ragnar looks up at him, he can’t help but smile. Out of all of his sons, Ubbe had always looked most like him, but with this new look, he truly looks just like Ragnar himself had looked, twenty years ago.

  
“It suits you,” Ragnar says, but his son just keeps staring down. “Are you excited for Bjorn’s gig?”

  
“Sure.”

  
The young man has a blank look on his face, and Ragnar sighs. He knows how excited Ubbe had been when Bjorn had told them that his band was booked for their first real gig, so for him to not care now, it isn’t like him at all.

  
“Spit it out, Ubbe.”

  
“What?”

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
“I met someone,” the young man admits, finally looking up at his father again.

  
“And that’s a bad thing because?”

  
“I don’t know.”

  
“What’s their name?”

  
“Margrethe,” Ubbe says, “I met her at work.”

  
“Will she be there tonight? Have you invited her?” Ragnar asks, but his son just shrugs. “Ask her.”

  
“What if she…”

“Go on, ask her,” Ragnar says, before closing the bottle of nail varnish, and getting up. “And Ubbe?”

  
“Mhm?”

  
“You look great.”

* * *

All of Bjorn’s brothers had shown up for his band’s gig, and afterwards, they had all gone back to the Lothbrok family home, where they are now having a midnight barbeque. Rollo had shown up as well, with his new girlfriend, Gisla, and Lagertha and her girlfriend Astrid, had tried to include her all night, but the girl had had a bad attitude, and she had ignored the two women, and had stuck to herself. Even now, she is clinging onto Rollo, not allowing him to spend any time with his brother or with is nephews.

  
“How long have they been together?” Athelstan asks, but Ragnar shrugs. “Have you met her before?”

  
“Not until tonight, no. I don’t know what he sees in her, she’s nothing like his ex-wife.”

  
“No?”

  
“Siggy was great,” Ragnar says. “She was good to him, she…” He sighs, before looking at Athelstan. “She always helped us out with the boys.”

  
“What happened to her?”

  
“She drowned. A horrible accident. It was years ago, but… I don’t think he ever truly got over her death,” Ragnar explains. “And now this girl… I’m not sure what he’s playing at.”

  
“Ubbe seems happy though,” Athelstan says, and they look over at the young man, who is, together with Hvitserk, chatting to Margrethe, who had shown up at the gig after he had invited her.

  
“They’re growing up,” Ragnar says, a proud smile on his face. “Before you know it, they’ve all left home, and it’s just me and Lagertha.”

  
“And Astrid,” Athelstan adds, and Ragnar playfully nudges him in the ribs. “I like her.”

  
“I like her too. I don’t think she like me very much though.”

  
“No?”

  
“She makes Lagertha happy though, so it’s fine.” Ragnar shrugs, before putting an arm around Athelstan’s waist, and pulling him close. “Come on, let’s get another drink.”

* * *

It’s been a few days since Bjorn’s gig, and Ragnar is back at work in the garden. Athelstan had stepped out into the garden to see if Ragnar needs anything, a drink, maybe something to eat, but when he had seen him, without his shirt, the sunlight shining down on him, a feeling had come over him, which had taken his breath away.

  
He had been unable to move, so he had been left standing there, staring at him.

  
“He is good-looking, isn’t he?”

  
Athelstan hadn’t heard Lagertha coming into the garden, but when he hears her voice, he jumps up, and he turns around.

  
“I…”

  
“Are you blushing?” Lagertha asks, a mischievous smile on her face.

  
“No, I…”

  
“Don’t worry, Athelstan,” Lagertha laughs. “I’d be staring at him too.”

  
“Sorry,” Athelstan quickly says, an embarrassed look on his face.

  
“You like him, don’t you?”

  
“Of course.”

  
“That’s not… I could see the way you were with him, the other day.”

  
“You mean…”

  
“When you shared our bed,” Lagertha explains. “I can see you care for him.”

  
“I do,” Athelstan admits, before looking back at Ragnar, who is still working hard, oblivious to his friend and partner.

  
“You enjoyed it though, didn’t you?”

  
“When…?”

  
“You know what I am asking, Athelstan.”

  
“I did.”

  
“That was your first time sharing a bed with a man, wasn’t it?” Lagertha asks, and Athelstan looks back at her. She carries herself with such confidence, with such strength, that he finds her intimidating, but he knows she isn’t trying to intimidate him, that she isn’t like Rollo or Floki. So he nods, and she flashes a small smile. “I figured. We should do it again.”

  
“Really?”

  
“Yes,” Lagertha laughs. “I know Ragnar would like that.”

  
Athelstan looks back at the other man, his face flushed, but this time he doesn’t care if Lagertha sees it. He can’t help but smile, when he thinks back to that night, and the thought of repeating it, it makes him feel a fluttering in the pit of his stomach.

  
He looks back at Lagertha, who is looking at him with a mischievous smile on her face, and he is about to open his mouth to say something. But before he gets the chance, she winks at him, and walks off, to go over to her partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

“Dad?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Have you got a minute?” Sigurd asks, and Ragnar nods. His son sits down at the kitchen table, so Ragnar closes his laptop, and he looks up at him. “Remember when Ivar and I fought?”

  
“Of course.”

  
“He has been blackmailing me.”

  
“What has he got on you?” Ragnar asks. “Is it bad?”

  
“No, not really, I guess...”

  
“Tell me.”

  
“You won’t tell mum, will you?” the teenager asks, a nervous look on his face.

  
“I won’t. Unless you’re in real trouble.”

  
“I’m not.”

  
“Come on, spit it out,” Ragnar says. “If you tell me, we can deal with it together, okay?”

  
“I know.” Sigurd nods, before taking a deep breath, obviously trying to calm his nerves. “I ehm…”

  
“Yes?”

  
“I’m gay.”

  
“What?” Ragnar asks, a confused look on his face, because only weeks ago his son thought he was going to be a father, so this was the last thing he expected him to say. “Are you sure?”

  
“Yes, dad,” Sigurd snaps, an angry look on his face.

  
“I’m sorry, I just… What about the girl you thought you had gotten pregnant?”

  
“I only slept with her because I wanted to… you know… I wanted to convince myself that I could do it,” Sigurd admits, his face turning a dark shade of red. “But then she said she was pregnant, and then Ivar found out, and he told mum…”

  
“So this…,” Ragnar begins, but he isn’t sure what to say, because he hadn’t seen it coming.

  
“I’m sorry, okay?”

  
“Sorry?”

  
“Yeah,” Sigurd sighs. “I know it’s not what you want for me, and…”

  
“Stop,” Ragnar cuts him off. “Did your brother tell you that?”

  
“Yeah…”

  
“You need to stop listening to anything Ivar says to you, Sigurd,” Ragnar says. “How does he know you’re gay anyway? Did you tell him?”

  
“I told Ubbe and Hvitserk, but he heard,” Sigurd explains. “He’s been blackmailing me for weeks. He said that if I don’t pay him, he will tell you and mum.”

  
“Why would you pay him, huh? You should have just told us. Don’t let Ivar get to you.”

  
“But…”

  
“You thought I would be upset? Really?” Ragnar asks, and his son nods, an embarrassed look on his face. “You know I have slept with men, don’t you?” he asks, and his son nods again. “And Lagertha, she has a girlfriend… Your brother, he had a boyfriend when he was a little older than you are now.”

  
“Ubbe?” Sigurd asks, a confused look on his face.

  
“Bjorn,” Ragnar explains. “He thinks we don’t know, but…” He shrugs, before placing a hand on his son’s hand. “I don’t care if you’re gay, Sigurd. I am not upset because of that. I am upset at the fact that you thought you couldn’t tell me, or your mum, or Lagertha even.”

  
“But Ivar said…”

  
“Ivar lies,” Ragnar snaps. “Ivar tries to get inside your head, because he gets off on seeing you in pain.”

  
“I guess.”

  
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Sigurd,” Ragnar reassures his son, but the teenager looks away, still looking embarrassed. “I am proud of you, okay? Come here.”

  
Ragnar gets up, and he grabs his son’s hand, to drag him up to his feet. He gives Sigurd a big hug, and doesn’t let go of him for the longest time.

  
“I am proud of you. Do you hear me?”

* * *

“Can I come in?”

  
“Why?” Aslaug asks, a slightly irritated look on her face. Usually when Ragnar is there to drop off, or pick up his sons, he stays in the car. He has only been inside her house a handful of times, and he would have liked to keep it that way.

  
“We need to talk,” he says, a nervous Sigurd standing by his side. His ex-wife lets them in, and they go into the living room, where they all sit down, Aslaug trying to stare Ragnar down, but he ignores her, because he is here for his son, nothing else.  
“Sigurd has something he wants to tell you.”

  
“Well, go on then.”

  
“I ehm…,” Sigurd begins, his face turning a dark shade of red. “I…”

  
“What?” Aslaug asks, getting irritated, and the teenager shoots his father a panicked look.

  
“Want me to tell her?” Ragnar asks, and Sigurd nods. “Last night, Sigurd told me that he’s gay.”

  
“What?” Aslaug laughs. “Sure you are.”

  
“He…,” Ragnar begins, but his ex-wife interrupts him.

  
“Is this another one of your ways to get attention?” she asks. “Your brother is walking around, wearing make-up, and now you’re gay? What is wrong with the two of you?”

  
“I’m not…”

  
“It’s pathetic, Sigurd,” Aslaug cuts him off. “Stop saying things like that. I know you’re jealous, because Ivar has always gotten more attention, but…”

  
“I’m not!”

  
“He’s gay, Aslaug,” Ragnar says, and his ex-wife shoots him an angry glare. “He’s not saying it to get your attention, or to try and be… whatever. He just likes guys, it’s that simple.”

  
“I’m not lying,” Sigurd says, but his mother just sighs. “I’m sorry.”

  
“Don’t you dare apologise,” Ragnar says. “You go to your room, I’ll call you later, okay?”

  
His son quickly gets up and leaves, but Ragnar doesn’t leave the house. He simply looks at his ex-wife, who shrugs.

  
“What?”

  
“He is gay, Aslaug.”

  
“How can you be sure? Didn’t he sleep with a girl?”

  
“He did,” Ragnar says. “But that means fuck-all. He is going to need your support, and he needs to know that you still love him.”

  
“Whatever, Ragnar. Next week he’ll be onto the next thing.”

  
“How can you be so…,” Ragnar asks, trying to keep his voice down, but then he snaps. “Argh! What is wrong with you?”

  
“Wrong with me? You let them get away with anything, because you want to be their friend. Look at Ubbe, he looks like a fool, with that stuff on his face. It’s disgusting.”

  
“I let them get away with anything?” Ragnar spits out, unable to keep his anger in. “Yes, I let my child wear make-up if it makes him feel better. Yes, I support my son when he tells me he’s gay. I’m sorry if that makes me a bad father!”

  
“I…”

  
“Do you have any idea what Ivar gets up to, huh? What you let him get away with, every single day?” Ragnar asks. “What he has been putting Sigurd through for years?”

  
“I know he teases him, but…”

  
“He is bullying him, Aslaug! He is making his life a living hell! So don’t you dare say that I let my sons get away with things, when you allow him to…”

  
“To what?” Ivar asks, as he walks into the room. “What did I do?”

  
“You blackmailed your brother,” Ragnar says, but his son just shrugs. “You made him think that it wasn’t okay to be gay. That we would be ashamed of him.”

  
“I was only teasing him.”

  
“Do you have any idea how you made him feel?” Ragnar asks, but by the big grin on his face, he can already tell what the answer is. “I love your brothers, and you know I love you, Ivar, but I am ashamed of your behaviour! I thought we had…”

  
“What? Raised me to be better than that?” Ivar asks, as he steps up to his father. “You didn’t raise me. You were never there.”

  
“Is that…?” Ragnar asks, before looking at his ex-wife. “Did you put that into his head?” he asks, but Aslaug just shows him a small, evil smile, so he looks back at his son. “You should be ashamed of what you have done to your brother. People around here, they… you know what they are like,” he says. “You know what they will say to him, what they will do to him. So he is going to need all of our support.”

  
“I was only messing with him.”

  
“Then put that energy to good use, Ivar,” Ragnar suggests. “If someone hurts him, you look after him. You make sure you have his back.”

  
“Or what?”

  
“Remember when you were younger, and you were in the hospital?” Ragnar asks, and he can see his son trying to keep up his tough guy act, but the young boy is showing through, and Ragnar can see that he is getting through to him. “Your brothers were there, and they never left your side. Remember who was there, when you were learning how to walk?”

  
Ivar shrugs, but Ragnar knows that he remembers.

  
“It was Sigurd who had your back. Don’t you dare forget that.”

  
“I think it’s best if you leave,” Aslaug says, and without saying another word, Ragnar leaves the house, still filled with rage.

* * *

“Are you okay? You look like you haven’t slept,” Athelstan says, when Ragnar arrives at the community centre the next day.

  
“I haven’t.”

  
“Is something wrong?”

  
“A fight with the ex-wife, my son bullying my other son…”

  
“Ivar?”

  
“Obviously.” Ragnar rolls his eyes. “He let Sigurd think that his mum and I wouldn’t accept him if we knew he’s gay.”

  
“Sigurd is gay?”

  
“Apparently.” Ragnar shrugs, as he leads Athelstan into the garden. “And Ivar blackmailed him because of it.”

  
“How did you find out?”

  
“Sigurd told me, thank God,” Ragnar says, but when he realises what he has just said, he turns around, an embarrassed look on his face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… was that offensive?”

  
“It’s fine.” Athelstan flashes a small smile. “Is Sigurd okay?”

  
“I think so. I’m just sick and tired of Ivar bullying him, and getting away with it.”

  
“Can’t Aslaug…”

  
“She’s the problem,” Ragnar cuts him off. “She has turned him into this miniature version of herself, and now he’s this… I know I shouldn’t be saying this about my own son, but he is a…” He sighs, as he looks out at the garden. “I know he’s been through a lot, but he has no right to take it all out on everyone else. Especially not Sigurd, who has always been there for him.”

  
“Maybe he will grow out of it. Once he gets older, and he realises what he’s doing…,” Athelstan tries, but when Ragnar looks up at him, he sees that he doesn’t mean what he is saying. But he appreciates the effort, and he flashes a small smile.

  
“Come here,” he says, as he pulls Athelstan into a hug. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

  
“For me?”

  
“Yes, for you,” Ragnar laughs, as he lets go of him. Athelstan has a confused look on his face, so he leads him to the back of the garden, to the shed.

  
Ragnar had finished most of the work in the garden last week, and only a few little things are left to do. It had looked like an overgrown piece of land at first, but now it is a beautiful garden, filled with flowers, which will be looked after by Athelstan, a veggie patch which has already been claimed by others, and places for people to have their gatherings in the summer, or simply for people to come and sit, to have a moment of peace and quiet. It looks nothing like it had done, but the old shed is still there, and it stands out like a sore thumb.

  
They go into the shed, and although Ragnar has been here before, it still makes him feel a little odd, to think of Athelstan living here. Because this is a shed, it is meant for tools, for storage, it isn’t mean to be a home.

  
“What is it?” Athelstan asks, when Ragnar sits down on his bed.

  
“Guess.”

  
Ragnar flashes his big grin, but the younger man just shrugs, having no idea as to what is going on.

  
“The garden is pretty much done.”

  
“I know,” Athelstan laughs. “That’s the surprise?”

  
“No. Come here,” Ragnar says, and he moves, to make room for Athelstan to sit. “Sit with me.”

  
“What is it?” Athelstan asks, getting a little nervous, as he sits down with Ragnar.

  
“I am going to build you a new shed.”

  
“You don’t have to do that! This is fine, it’s…”

  
“Not safe, Athelstan. You need a safe place to live, you need…”

  
“Don’t,” Athelstan cuts him off, looking down at the floor. “You have done more than enough for me, Ragnar. Please go home and be with your family.”

  
“You are my family,” Ragnar says, and a tense silence follows. “Have I said too much?”

  
“I’m not sure.”

  
“I care for you, Athelstan,” Ragnar admits. “I need you to be safe.”

  
“But…”

  
“I can’t lose you,” Ragnar says, before bringing his hand up to the side of the younger man’s face. “Okay?”

  
Athelstan gives a small nod, his heart racing. Ragnar flashes a small smile, before kissing him. It takes Athelstan back to the night when Ragnar had first kissed him, after the barbeque, just after he had been slammed into the fence. The kiss had confused him, and he hadn’t even been able to kiss him back. But that same night, somehow he had ended up in bed with both Lagertha and Ragnar. He had never done anything like it before, but he hadn’t regretted a single moment of it.  
But now that Ragnar is kissing him, a sense of guilt washes over him, and he pulls back.

  
“Do you want me to stop?” Ragnar asks, a worried look on his face. “I’m sorry, I thought…”

  
“No,” Athelstan quickly says. “I just… what about Lagertha?”

  
“I told you, we’re not… she is okay with me doing this with other people.”

  
“Even if it’s someone you know? Someone she knows?” Athelstan asks, and a small smile forms on Ragnar’s lips. “I’m sorry, I just…”

  
“Relax,” Ragnar laughs, before kissing him again. He lays his hand down on the younger man’s crotch, half expecting him to flinch, or to move away, but there is no reaction, so he looks up at him, a mischievous smile on his face. “Is this okay?”

  
“Mhm,” Athelstan mumbles, his face flushed.

  
When he had spent the night with Lagertha and Ragnar, there had been kissing and some caressing between him and Ragnar, but when Ragnar had tried to take the next step, he had gotten nervous. Ragnar had noticed, so he had backed off, and Lagertha had taken over. But now that Ragnar is trying to take the next step again, albeit through his jeans, it still makes him feel just as nervous as he had felt that night, and he is sure that the people in the centre can hear his heart beating, that’s how loud it is by now.

  
“Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?” Ragnar whispers, before placing gentle kisses on his jaw and his neck, while unzipping his jeans, and sliding his hand inside.

  
Athelstan gasps for air, when he feels Ragnar’s warm hand on his skin, and he closes his eyes, unable to face the world right now. But when Ragnar stops, he opens his eyes again, and he looks at him, a nervous look on his face.

  
“Are you okay?” Ragnar asks, and Athelstan can’t help but smile, because when he looks into the other man’s eyes, he sees that he truly cares. That this isn’t just him getting a quick fix before work, that this isn’t just picking up a random at a club. This is something that he wants to share with him, because he cares, and it actually makes Athelstan feel the fluttering in the pit of his stomach again.

  
“I’m okay,” Athelstan whispers, before putting a hand on the back of Ragnar’s neck, and pulling him in for a kiss. Ragnar then shows his big, mischievous grin, before sliding of the bed, and kneeling down in front of the younger man. “What are you…”

  
“You’ll see.”

  
“But…”

  
“What?” Ragnar laughs. “Want me to stop?” he asks, as he looks up at him. Athelstan has lost the ability to speak, the nerves, mixed with excitement, have taken over, so he simple shakes his head. “That’s what I thought.”

  
Athelstan closes his eyes, and he gasps for air, trying to remember the last time someone had done this to him. But he can’t remember. He actually can’t remember a whole lot at the moment, and he grasps onto the bed sheet, biting his lip, as he tries to keep quiet, his eyes still kept shut.

  
But when he opens them, his heart nearly stops, because he looks straight into Floki’s face. The man is standing in the doorway, staring at him.

  
“Ragnar!”

  
Athelstan tries to warn him, but Ragnar keeps going.

  
“Ragnar! Stop!” Athelstan tries, and Ragnar senses the panic in his voice, so he stops, wipes his mouth, and looks up at him.

  
“What?” he asks, but the younger man only points at the doorway, a horrified look on his face. “Floki? What are you…?” Ragnar asks, but before he can finish his sentence, his friend has turned around and walked off. “I’m so sorry, Athelstan.”

  
“Go,” Athelstan says, and Ragnar gives him a quick kiss, before running after his friend, who is now lying on his back in the grass, staring up at the sky.

  
“What was that about?” Ragnar asks. “You can’t just…”

  
“You asked me to come and help you out with the shed.”

  
“I know, but…”

  
“So I came to help,” Floki says, looking up at Ragnar.

  
“You were watching us, Floki!” Ragnar spits out, but his friend just shrugs. “That is not okay.”

  
“So you and him are hooking up then? Interesting…”

  
“How is that…,” Ragnar begins to ask, but when Athelstan joins him and Floki, trying to hide how upset he is, Floki jumps up.

  
“What you just did…,” Athelstan says, but before he can finish his sentence, Floki grabs the cross on his necklace, and he examines it.

  
“Funny that,” he says, before looking up at Athelstan’s face. “I thought your kind would be different.”

  
“My kind?”

  
“Your people,” Floki spits out, finally letting go of Athelstan’s pendant, and Athelstan quickly takes a step back. “I don’t like you.”

  
“I know.”

  
“You are getting inside his head,” Floki says, bringing his fingers up to the side of his head. “With your sad little story, and your…” He points at the community centre, before looking back at Athelstan. “And now you are using sex to keep him coming here.”

  
“I…”

  
“With your… your God, and your… magic you have worked on him,” Floki spits out, the look on his face terrifying, because Athelstan can tell that he actually means what he is saying.

  
“My magic?” he asks. “What is wrong with you?”

  
“This is what they do, Ragnar, they…”

  
“Stop,” Ragnar interrupts Floki, an angry look on his face. “That is enough, okay?”

  
“How can you not see what he has done to you?”

  
“He has done nothing, Floki.” Ragnar sighs. “I think it’s best if you go home. Take the day off.”

  
“But…”

  
“Go home.”

  
Floki steps up to Athelstan, their faces so close that Athelstan can feel his breath on his skin. Floki stares straight into his eyes, the most horrible smile on his face, before finally leaving the garden.

  
“Are you okay?” Ragnar asks, and Athelstan just nods. But the truth is that he is close to tears, because he is terrified of Floki, and he isn’t sure what will be his next move. Ragnar can see the fear in his eyes, so he pulls him into a hug, and brings his mouth up to his ear.

  
“I’ve got your back, okay? I won’t let him hurt you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

“What is happening here?” Ragnar asks, as he walks past one of the community centre’s rooms. There is a rainbow flag taped to the door, and there are rainbow banners taped to the walls. “Is this what I think it is?”

  
“It’s a gathering for LGBTQ youth,” Athelstan explains. “It’s only the third week, but it’s quite the success! Last week we had to bring in extra chairs, because too many people had shown up.”

  
“Do you have to sign up for this thing, or can anyone join?”

  
“I think you might be a bit too old to join them,” Athelstan says, trying to keep a straight face, as they make their way to his office.

  
“Very funny,” Ragnar says, nudging him in the ribs.

  
“You want Sigurd to go to this gathering?”

  
“Maybe.” Ragnar looks over his shoulder, back to the room, a serious look on his face, before sighing. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

  
Without saying another word, he walks off, leaving Athelstan standing there on his own.

* * *

“What are we doing here?” Sigurd asks, when he realises his father has brought him and his brother to the community centre. “I am not helping out with the garden.”

  
“That’s not why we’re here.”

  
“I’m going back,” Ivar says, but his father grabs his arm, a warning look on his face. “What? You can’t force me.”

  
“Watch me,” Ragnar spits out, before dragging him into the centre. “Maybe after this, you will realise just what you have put your brother through.”

  
“What are we…”

  
“Oh no,” Sigurd laughs. “I am not…”

  
“I am not going to sit there with a bunch of gays,” Ivar says, and his father turns around to face him. “I mean…”

  
“You are going to go in there, with your brother, and you are going to listen very carefully to what everyone has to say.”

  
“But…”

  
“And after you’re done, you are going to apologise to your brother for what you did.”

  
“Dad, it’s fine,” Sigurd tries, and his brother shows his evil grin.

  
“See? It’s fine.”

  
“In. Now. Both of you!”

  
Both teenagers can see that their father isn’t having any of it, and that they have no choice but to listen to him. So they go into the room, not even looking back at their father, but Ragnar stays in the hallway, until the door closes, to make sure they don’t leave.

  
He then goes to Athelstan’s office, hoping to find him, but he finds it empty. So he goes into the garden, and finds the younger man sitting in the grass, staring up at the sky.

  
“Did you bring Sigurd to the gathering?” Athelstan asks, when Ragnar sits down with him.

  
“And Ivar.”

  
“Really?”

  
“Hopefully it will make him understand what he has put his brother through.”

  
“Aslaug is not going to be happy,” Athelstan says, but Ragnar shrugs.

  
“I can’t just stand by and let him bully Sigurd. I have to at least try and do something about it.”

  
“I hope it works.”

  
Ragnar rests his head on the younger man’s shoulder, before closing his eyes. It has only been months since he had spotted the fundraiser, and he had met Athelstan, but he can’t imagine his life without him. Athelstan gives him such peace, and he makes him feel things which he has never felt before. He has never felt so strongly for any of his friends, nor for any of his partners, and he knows that what he has with Athelstan is special, that it is something that he should cherish. That he will never find something like this again.

* * *

After the gathering for LGBTQ youth, Ivar had ended up apologising to his brother, but after going back home, and telling his mother about being forced to go to the gathering, Aslaug had kept him and Hvitserk from going back to the Lothbrok home. There had been an argument between her and Ragnar, but she had refused to give in, and seeing as Ragnar refused to raise a hand to a woman, he had left her home, and he had simply sent his sons a text, telling them he loved them, and that they would always be welcome in his home. But it has left him feeling horrible, like he has broken up his family, and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

  
“Are the boys still seeing each other?” Athelstan asks, as he hands Ragnar his plate of food.

  
“Well, Ubbe and Hvitserk work together now, and Hvitserk, Sigurd and Ivar see each other at school, so…” Ragnar sighs, a guilty look on his face. “But I worry they feel like they are forced to choose sides, and I don’t want that for them.”

  
“I think they’re old enough to understand what’s going on. Have you sat them down to explain it to them?”

  
Athelstan joins Ragnar at the table, and he can’t help but smile when Ragnar closes his eyes and bows his head. He does the same himself, and quietly says a prayer, before looking back up, the smile still on his face.

  
“Thank you,” he says, and Ragnar looks back up at him, before continuing the conversation.

  
“I don’t want to tell them that their mother has done this.”

  
“You’re trying to protect her?” Athelstan asks, but Ragnar just shrugs.

  
Athelstan is about to open his mouth, when rain starts pouring from the sky. It has been a warm and sunny day all day, so after Ragnar had dropped off Sigurd for the LGBTQ youth gathering, Athelstan had invited him to join him for dinner. But before they can even take one bite of it, they quickly get up, grab their plates, and run back into the centre, already soaked through to the bone.

  
“Well…,” Ragnar laughs, looking at the plate of food in his hand, which had become inedible within seconds.

  
“We can order a pizza,” Athelstan suggests, and the other man shows his big grin. “You go and get dried off.”

  
Ragnar steps up to him, and gives him a kiss, before turning around to go into the bathrooms. But he almost bumps into Sigurd, whose face is flushed, and he is nervously biting his lip.

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
“I saw you, with Athelstan.”

  
“And?” Ragnar laughs.

  
“Are you and him… you know… like Lagertha and Astrid?” Sigurd asks, and Ragnar leads him into one of the empty rooms, and sits him down. “I know you sometimes bring strangers home, to…”

  
“Have sex with?” Ragnar asks, his son’s face turning an even darker shade of red. “Are you scared I’m cheating on Lagertha?”

  
“I guess,” Sigurd admits, looking down at his hands, an embarrassed look on his face. “I don’t know what is allowed between you, and what isn’t.”

  
“You love her, don’t you? Lagertha.”

  
“Of course. She has always been there for us.”

  
“She’s the best.” Ragnar can’t help but smile, because his partner had always treated his sons like they had been her own, and for a moment, he wishes they were. He wishes he had never met Aslaug, that he and Lagertha had never split up, and that he hadn’t wasted all those years with someone he doesn’t even like. But then he would have never had his sons, and they are his world. Because of them, he can’t truly regret being with Aslaug.

  
“Lagertha and I, we sometimes, like you said, bring other people into our relationship,” Ragnar explains. “And sometimes we see other people, outside of our relationship, like…”

  
“Astrid,” Sigurd interrupts, and his father nods. “Is that what is going on with you and Athelstan?”

  
“I think so.”

  
“Are you in love with him?” Sigurd asks, and Ragnar can’t help but smile. “Or are you not allowed to fall in love with someone else?”

  
“I don’t think so,” Ragnar laughs. “Lagertha would probably kick my ass.”

  
“But you care for him, don’t you?”

  
“Of course. Very much. That is why me and him…”

  
“Please stop,” Sigurd says, an uncomfortable look on his face, because he knows were his father is going with this.

  
“What? You’re old enough to talk about that sort of thing, aren’t you?” Ragnar laughs, playfully nudging his son in the ribs.

  
“Not with you.”

  
“With your brothers?”

  
“I guess…”

  
“I’m glad you were able to talk to your brothers,” Ragnar says, and his son looks up at him. “That you were able to tell them you’re gay.”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“How are you feeling about it now? Relieved?”

  
“I guess.”

  
“Is it good to talk about it?” Ragnar asks. “To those guys.”

  
He means the LGBTQ youth group, which after last week’s gathering, Sigurd had decided to join.

  
“Mhm.” Sigurd just mumbles, obviously a little uncomfortable. “Did you…”

  
“What?”

  
“It doesn’t matter.”

  
“Spit it out,” Ragnar says, and his son looks back down at his hands.

  
“Did you ever come out?”

  
“Not really. Your uncle and I used to share a room when were a little younger than you are now,” Ragnar recalls, “and there was this guy at school… I don’t actually remember his name now, but we had to work on this school project, so we worked on it in mine and your uncle’s room, and…” Ragnar gets a big smile on his face, when he remembers that afternoon. “I had noticed him before, but… well, let’s just say that Rollo wasn’t happy when he came home that afternoon, and he caught us together.”

  
“But weren’t you with Lagertha?”

  
“I was. And Rollo was in love with her. Had been ever since I introduced them to each other,” Ragnar explains. “So when he caught me and this guy, he ran to her and told her.”

  
“What did she do?”

  
“She laughed.”

“But…,” Sigurd begins, but then he just smiles to himself.

  
“That was my coming out,” Ragnar laughs, but then he sees the smile leaving his son’s face. “What’s wrong?”

  
“Mum still doesn’t believe me.”

  
“Give her time. I think she was just a little surprised. That’s all.”

  
“I hope so,” the teenager says, before checking his watch. “The gathering’s almost over…”

  
“What were you doing out here anyway?”

  
“I had to go to the toilet. But there’s no point in going back now, is there?” Sigurd shrugs, and Ragnar can see that his mother’s comments are still on his mind. That they have really gotten to him.

  
“Your mum will change her mind,” he says, before giving his son a big hug. “I love you.”

“I love you too, dad.”

“Want to join us for pizza?”

* * *

Ragnar and Sigurd have just gotten home, but the weather is getting worse by the minute. The family is watching a movie together, to try and take their mind off everything that has happened recently, but Ragnar can’t stop thinking about Athelstan, who is in his shed, which isn’t built to last through this kind of weather.

  
“Do you think…,” he begins, and his partner looks up at him. “I’m sorry, but…”

  
“Call him if you’re worried about him.”

  
“Or pick him up and bring him here,” Ubbe suggests. “He can stay in Hvitserk’s old room until the weather gets better, right?”

  
“If you’re going to pick him up, you have to leave now, because it’s only going to get worse,” Lagertha says. Ragnar picks up his phone from the table, hoping to see a message from Athelstan, telling him that everything is alright, but there are no new messages, and it only makes him more worried.

  
“Want me to go?” his partner asks, but he shakes his head, before getting up, and putting his phone in his pocket.

  
“I’ll be right back, okay?” he says, and he grabs his things and leaves the house. Normally he would walk over to the community centre, but the roads are starting to flood, and the water is ankle-high already. So he jumps into the car, and makes his way over to the centre, which has been closed for hours. So he has to get in through the garden, where he expects to find Athelstan in his shed. But instead, he finds him trying to save the flower patch, and the veggie patch, which are drowning, and the seats, which Ragnar has built himself, which are strewn all over the garden by the heavy gusts of wind.

  
“What are you doing here?” Athelstan asks.

  
“You can’t stay here,” Ragnar says, but before Athelstan can say something, lightning lights up the sky, and thunder makes the ground beneath their feet shake. Ragnar can see the fear in the other man’s eyes, so he grabs his arm, and drags him into the shed, to get him out of the rain for just a moment. And although it isn’t a safe place, the dark, damp shed feels cosy and warm right now, compared to what is going on outside.

  
“I can’t leave,” Athelstan says, as he grabs a towel, and hands it over to Ragnar. “I have to stay and keep an eye on the place.”

  
“This place can collapse any minute. Look at it.” Ragnar points at the roof, where rain is dripping in, a large wet area on the floor already. “You can stay at ours until I have built you a new place.”

  
“I have managed just fine for years.”

  
“So fuck off?” Ragnar asks, a shy smile forming on Athelstan’s lips. “I can’t leave you here on your own. I’ll throw you over my shoulder if I have to.”

  
“Oh, really?” Athelstan laughs, as he grabs himself a towel, and starts drying off his hair. “I really appreciate you coming here to check to see if I’m alright, but…”

  
Before Athelstan can finish his sentence, a loud rumbling can be heard, and the shed starts shaking, and for a moment, the men share a panicked look. But the shaking stops, and Ragnar steps up to Athelstan, before brushing the hair out of his face.

  
“Please come home with me.”

  
“Let me check on the centre first,” Athelstan says, and Ragnar sighs, but then he agrees, and he opens the door of the shed, only to find that the weather is getting worse by the minute. Ragnar closes the door again, and turns back to face Athelstan. And when he sees the worried look on his face, he realises that he isn’t just scared to leave the centre, but he’s also scared to leave the shed. He’s scared to lose it, and the few things that are in it, because although it is only a shed, it is his home, and this is all he has.

  
“I’ll stay here with you,” Ragnar says, and he grabs his phone out of his pocket. “I’ll let Lagertha know I won’t be back tonight.”

  
“You don’t have to do that.”

  
“Yes, I do.”

  
Ragnar sends his partner a text, before putting his phone down on the desk, and taking his wet jacket and t-shirt off. He realises Athelstan is staring at him, and he tries to ignore it, but he can’t help but smile.

  
“Come here,” he says, before stepping up to the younger man, and wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling him close. “This should be the end of the storm. So all we have to do is make it through the night, and then…”

  
But before Ragnar can finish his sentence, the shed starts shaking again, and Athelstan clings onto him. Ragnar holds him even tighter, before kissing the top of his head.

  
“I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

When Athelstan wakes up the next morning, he feels Ragnar’s body pressed up against him, and he can’t help but smile. He wants to try and go back to sleep, because he is still tired, but when he opens his eyes, only to see if it’s light outside yet, he notices that the shed has flooded.

  
He can feel Ragnar nuzzling his face into his back, meaning he has woken up too, and he wishes he could enjoy this moment for a little longer. But he sighs, and sits up, to check just how bad the damage is.

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
“See for yourself,” Athelstan says, and Ragnar moves over to the side of the bed. The water is at least ankle-high, and their clothes, which had ended up on the floor last night, are floating in the middle of the room, together with a few books and some papers.

  
“I’ll help you clean up.”

  
“It’s fine. You should go home.”

  
“You’re not even going to offer me breakfast?” Ragnar asks, and Athelstan looks back at him, only to see a mischievous grin on his face.

  
“Of course you can stay for breakfast, but…”

  
“You’re not kicking me out then?”

  
“Of course not.”

  
“Come here,” Ragnar says, and Athelstan lies back down. Ragnar wraps an arm around him, pulling their bodies together. “No regrets then?”

  
Athelstan just flashes a small, shy smile, but he fears that if he is to speak right now, he might start crying. The thought of having messed things up with his best friend last night, having taken things a step too far, the thought of losing him, mixed with his shed having flooded, and it feeling like he is losing his home, it makes him feel sick to his stomach.

  
Ragnar can see the fear in his eyes, and he stares into them for a moment, before kissing the top of his head.

  
“I love you, okay?”

* * *

“Where were you then?” Floki asks, when Ragnar finally shows up for work. Ragnar had stayed with Athelstan to clean up the shed, and for breakfast, and he had gone home to get changed after, making him more than three hours late for work.

  
“I was with Athelstan,” Ragnar admits. “I went to pick him up last night, but the weather was too bad to…”

  
“So you stayed with him?” Floki asks. “Were his knight in shining armour?”

  
“Fuck you, Floki,” Ragnar spits out, and Bjorn looks up at him, a worried look on his face. “That shed is his home, okay? I didn’t want him to have to stay in there and risk his life.”

  
“Where did you stay then? If you spent the night with him,” Rollo asks.

  
“In the shed,” Ragnar admits. “Like I said, the weather got worse, so we couldn’t go back to the house. And when we woke up, the shed had flooded, so I helped him clean up.”

  
“He is using you, Ragnar. Can’t you see that?” Floki asks. Ragnar remembers what had happened, after Floki had walked in on him and Athelstan. He remembers the anger, the rage, the madness. He has known Floki for most of his life, so he knows what he is like, but his fixation with Athelstan scares Ragnar, and he has a bad feeling about it.

  
“Athelstan isn’t using me, Floki. He is my friend, he…”

  
“He is not just your friend though, is he?” Rollo asks. “You are sleeping with him.”

  
“So what?” Ragnar spits out.

  
“Are you?” Bjorn asks, and for a moment, Ragnar considers lying, but then he sighs, and he nods. “What about mum?”

  
“What about your mum, Bjorn?” Ragnar asks, getting more irritated by the second, because he feels like he is being attacked. “You think she cares, huh?”

  
“He is using you, Ragnar,” Rollo says. “You think he’ll be your friend once the place is done?”

  
“I am telling you, he has used his magic on you,” Floki adds, repeating his statement, which he had made before, and Ragnar is close to hitting him, but he takes a deep breath, and forces himself to calm down.

  
“I am going to get to work now. If I hear one more word about Athelstan…”

  
“You’ll see,” Floki says, a mad look in his eyes. “Trust me.”

* * *

“Bjorn. Can I help you?” Athelstan asks, when Ragnar’s son steps into his office. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine.” Bjorn sits down in the chair opposite Athelstan’s desk, an uncomfortable look on his face. “I ehm… I know, about you and my father.”

  
“He told you?”

  
“Floki did, a while ago. He saw you,” Bjorn explains, before sighing. “I have to ask you, Athelstan, what do you want from my father?”

  
“What do I…? What do you mean?”

  
“With him offering to fix up your garden, then the shed… now this… Floki and my uncle are afraid that you are using him,” Bjorn admits. “Are you even… have you been with men before?”

  
“I can’t say I have, no,” Athelstan admits, feeling attacked, but trying to stay calm. Bjorn is approaching him in a calm manner, and he is asking him, man to man, so he knows he should simply answer him, man to man, and not get defensive. Because it would only make things worse.

  
“Then what? Are you using my father to figure things out? To…”

  
“Of course not,” Athelstan interrupts him. “I care for your father, Bjorn.”

  
“I am not judging you. I know what it’s like to be confused about who you are. I’ve been there, and I have actually ended up hurting someone, because I used them to try and figure myself out. So I get it, I do, but…”

  
“I have never been with a man before, but that doesn’t mean that I am using him. Or that I need to figure things out. I know exactly who I am, and what I am feeling.”

  
“So this, it isn’t…” Bjorn shrugs, before letting out a sigh.

  
“I am sure you know about the arrangement your parents have? That they are allowed to see other people?”

  
“Of course.”

  
“That is all it is, Bjorn. I am just…” Athelstan struggles to find the right words, but when he sees the young man’s face, he knows that he doesn’t need to finish his sentence, because he already knows. “I am not using your father, and I am not trying to get in the way of your parents’ relationship. Your father and I are just…”

  
“I believe you,” Bjorn interrupts him.

  
“But if you want me to stop seeing your father, then I will. I respect your parents’ relationship, and I respect you and your brothers. And your mother of course. I will take a step back if you want me to.”

  
“My father is old enough to make his own decisions. But he is not as tough as he makes himself out to be,” Bjorn explains. “I know he acts like a tough guy, but…”

  
“I know,” Athelstan cuts him off, and he flashes a small smile. “I can see what he is really like.”

  
Bjorn stares at the other man for a moment, before returning the smile, realising that this man truly cares for his father. That Floki and his uncle are wrong about him.

  
“I am not going to hurt your father, Bjorn.”

* * *

“Why are we here?” Aslaug asks, when she storms into the school’s hallway. “What have you done this time?”

  
“I didn’t…,” Sigurd begins, but Ivar stops him.

  
“He didn’t do anything.”

  
“But…”

  
“Let them explain,” Ragnar says, and his ex-wife shoots him a glare, but keeps quiet.

  
“You were called in, because some kid tried to kick his ass,” Ivar explains.

  
“Who?” Ragnar asks, ready to jump up and find whoever hurt his son. “What’s his name?”

  
“It doesn’t matter.” Sigurd shrugs, an embarrassed look on his face.

  
“Some kid from his group told his cousin that Sigurd’s gay,” Ivar explains. “The cousin is in Sigurd’s class, so…”

  
“Did he tell everyone?” Ragnar asks, and Sigurd nods. “I am so sorry, Sigurd. If I had known, I would have never taken you to that group. I…”

  
“But you did, didn’t you?” Aslaug snaps. “This is on you. Now everyone…”

  
“Stop it! Both of you,” Sigurd interrupts his mother, “I don’t regret going to that group. And it isn’t your fault, dad. I guess they had to find out some time, right?”

  
“Did they hurt you?” Ragnar asks, but his son just shrugs.

  
“This one kid was trying to beat him up,” Ivar says, and they all look at him.

  
“Don’t,” Sigurd warns him, but his brother ignores him.

  
“He punched Sigurd in the face,” Ivar explains. “I saw him doing it. So I went over to them, and I kicked his ass.”

  
“You…,” Ragnar begins, but he is so surprised, that he is at a loss for words.

  
“You stuck up for your brother?” Aslaug asks, but Ivar shrugs, a careless look on his face. “Is this what happened?”

  
“Yeah,” Sigurd admits.

  
“I’m proud of you,” Ragnar says, and his ex-wife looks at him, an angry look at him. “I’m not saying he should go around beating kids up, but he stuck up for his brother, so…”

  
“I know,” Aslaug agrees, and she sighs. “I agree.”

  
The two teenagers are both clearly confused as to what is happening, because they are used to their parents arguing, and never agreeing on a thing. They are waiting to see what’s the catch, because they don’t trust it when they are civil with each other.

  
“So this ehm…,” Aslaug begins, and she looks at Sigurd. “You are serious about this then?”

  
“Aslaug!”

  
“Yes, mum, I’m gay,” Sigurd says, a hurt look on his face. They all expect her to tell him off again, but instead, she grabs his hand, and gives it a squeeze.

  
“If you mean it, then… I guess…”

  
Aslaug looks up at her ex-husband, and he can see that she is struggling with it, but he appreciates that she is trying, so he gives a small, supportive nod.

  
“You’ll always be my son,” Aslaug says. “Even if you’re gay.”

  
Ragnar knows that what she’s saying is far from perfect, but it’s the best she can do for now, and when he looks at Sigurd, he sees how much it means for him to finally have her say something like that. To finally have his mother believing him and accepting him. Or at least trying to accept him.

* * *

After Ivar had stood up for Sigurd at school, Aslaug and Ragnar had called a truce, and she had allowed Ivar and Hvitserk to go see their father again. Things have been a lot more peaceful since then, and the whole family will get together tonight for an end-of-summer barbeque.

  
Ragnar has just gotten home from a job, but when he walks into the living room, he finds Margrethe, Ubbe’s girlfriend, and Hvitserk, together on the couch. Hvitserk has his arm around her shoulder, and even from the other side of the room, it is obvious that their conversation is more than just friendly.

  
For the first time in years, all of his sons are getting along, and the thought of Hvitserk trying to steal Ubbe’s girlfriend, and causing more problems within the family, it makes Ragnar’s blood boil. So he forces a smile onto his face, as he goes up to Hvitserk and Margrethe.

  
“Hvitserk, have you got a minute?”

  
“Sure… is something wrong?” the teenager asks, as he gets up.

  
“Where’s your brother? Where’s Ubbe?”

  
“He’s gone to buy some things for tonight. Why?” Hvitserk asks, but Ragnar doesn’t answer, he just drags his son into the kitchen.

  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asks, when they are there. “That is your brother’s girlfriend!”

  
“Yeah, but…”

  
“You do not put your arm around your brother’s girlfriend, not like that!”

  
“But…”

  
“And you do not flirt with your brother’s girlfriend!” Ragnar spits out. “I will not have you ruin your relationship with your brother, do you hear me? Not over some girl!”

  
“But…,” Hvitserk tries again, but his father still won’t let him speak.

  
“What is wrong with you? Can’t you find yourself another girl?”

  
“Dad!” Hvitserk finally snaps, and Ragnar stops speaking. “Margrethe is also my girlfriend.”

  
“What?” Ragnar asks, a confused look on his face. “What do you mean, she’s also your girlfriend?”

  
“She is not just Ubbe’s girlfriend, she’s also my girlfriend,” the teenager tries to explain, but Ragnar still doesn’t understand.

  
“Ubbe knows about this?”

  
“Of course.”

  
“And she’s okay with it?”

  
“She is. We both liked her, and she liked both of us, so…” Hvitserk shrugs, but before he can say another word, his brother walks into the kitchen, carrying bags full of groceries.

  
“What’s going on here?” Ubbe asks, when he realises he has interrupted a conversation.

  
“Do you know, about your brother and Margrethe?”

  
“Yes. Why?” Ubbe shrugs, before starting to put away the groceries.

  
“And you’re okay with him dating your girlfriend?”

  
“Of course.”

  
“But…,” Ragnar begins, but then he just looks back into the living room, where Margrethe is staring at the phone in her hands. “Have you asked her if this is what she wants?”

  
“Ask her, if you’re worried we’re hurting her,” Ubbe suggests. Ragnar hesitates, because should he stick his nose in his sons’ business? But he knows he can’t stand by and let the girl get hurt, so he calls her into the room.

  
“You are dating both of my sons?” he asks, and Margrethe nods, a genuine smile on her face. “This is what you truly want? They have not talked you into it, or made you feel like you have to do it?”

  
“No, they haven’t,” she laughs. “They are true gentlemen.”

  
“Well…,” Ragnar laughs, knowing his sons better than that, and the smile on her face grows. “But I just want to make sure that you’re okay with this.”

  
“I am, thank you.”

  
“So this isn’t going to end in tears?” Ragnar asks.

  
“We’ll be fine,” Hvitserk says, obviously getting a little irritated. “Besides, how is this any different than what you and Lagertha do?”

  
Ragnar knows that it isn’t the same, because he and Lagertha have never been in a relationship with the same partner, and Hvitserk and Ubbe are brothers, so this situation isn’t the same at all. But he does not feel like arguing.

  
“As long as you’re all happy with this agreement…”

  
“We are,” Margrethe says, flashing a reassuring smile.

  
“Go on then. I’ll finish this,” Ragnar says, and his sons and their girlfriend quickly make their way out of the kitchen. He starts putting away the groceries, but when he hears footsteps coming into the kitchen, followed by arms wrapping around his waist, a big smile forms on his face, and he stops what he is doing.

  
“Floki, is that you?” he asks, obviously only teasing, and Lagertha lets go of him, and punches him in the arm. He turns around to face her, and can’t help but laugh when he sees the irritated look on her face. “I was only…”

  
“Shut up, Ragnar,” she says, before a small smile forms on her lips. “You’re an idiot.”

  
“I love you?”

  
“Don’t bother,” she says, as she sits down at the kitchen table. “Do we have everything for tonight?”

  
“I guess. Rollo and Gisla are bringing…,” Ragnar begins, but when his partner’s eyes widen, he starts laughing. “I know! We’ll let Rollo try everything first, just to see if it’s poisoned.”

  
“That’s probably a good idea,” Lagertha laughs. Laughter can be heard in the living room, and they both look up. “I’m glad you and Aslaug have resolved the issue. It’s great to have the whole family together again.”

  
“Did you know that Hvitserk is now dating Margrethe as well?” Ragnar asks, and his partner shakes her head, smiling to herself. “What?”

  
“You only just realised?”

  
“Well, yes. When did they tell you?”

  
“They didn’t. But it was obvious,” Lagertha laughs, mostly at the confused look on her partner’s face. “But I suppose your mind was elsewhere, wasn’t it?”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Athelstan?”

  
“Huh?” Ragnar asks, but his heart starts beating fast, and it feels as though he has just been caught out in something.

  
“You slept with him, didn’t you?” Lagertha asks. “When you stayed with him, the other night.”

  
“Lagertha, I…”

  
“How was it?”

  
Ragnar knows he has nothing to feel guilty for, because this is the way their relationship works, this is what is allowed in their relationship. But still, when he thinks back to that night, a sense of guilt washes over him, and he looks down at his hands, unable to face his partner.

  
Lagertha gets up, and goes up to him, but he still can’t face her, confused as to what he is feeling, and why he is feeling the way he is. So she wraps her arms around his waist, and rests her head on his chest.

  
“I love you, Ragnar Lothbrok.”

  
“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! If any of you are into Ubbe / Hvitserk stories, I posted my first little something for that pairing a few days ago, so feel free to check it out!  
If you are still reading this story, I just want to say thank you! I'm still new to writing in this fandom, and although I have written a bunch of stories since this once, this was my first multi-chaptered Vikings story. So thank you for giving it a chance! Xx

Athelstan has been avoiding Rollo and Gisla all night, because he knows that Rollo hates him, and he doesn’t want him to cause a scene. So he had stuck to spending time with Ragnar and Lagertha, or Bjorn and Halfdan. But when he goes over to the drinks table, to get himself a drink, he gets shoved to the side, and he nearly falls over.

  
“What the…”

  
“Oops,” Rollo says, not even trying to hide the fact that he has shoved him to the side on purpose. He has an angry look on his face, so Athelstan simply walks away, keeping to himself, feeling uncomfortable, and a little vulnerable right now. So he is planning to sit down at the table, and keep to himself for the rest of the night. But instead, Bjorn grabs him a drink, and joins him.

  
“Ignore him,” he says, handing Athelstan his drink. “He’s a little protective over my father.”

  
“I don’t think that’s it. He’s just…”

  
“A jerk?”

  
“Not what I was going to say,” Athelstan laughs. “But yes. He hates me, even though I…”

  
“Ignore him,” Bjorn repeats, before looking over his shoulder, over to Halfdan, who is chatting to Sigurd.

  
“The two of them seem to be getting along well.”

  
“Yeah.” Bjorn flashes a small smile, looking down at the drink in his hands. “I think Sigurd looks up to him. Since he came out, Halfdan has been someone to talk to, because he understand what it’s like to go through that, you know?”

  
“Halfdan is gay?” Athelstan asks, and Bjorn nods. Athelstan is starting to connect the dots in his mind, and he looks over to the two young men. “Is Halfdan the man you ehm… were you and him…?” he asks, before looking back at Bjorn.

  
“Yeah, when we were seventeen, eighteen?” Bjorn explains. “Halfdan, he ehm… he lived with his older brother, it was just the two of them after their parents died. But when he came out to him, I think he was fifteen, just like Sigurd,” Bjorn remembers, “but his brother wouldn’t accept it, and one day he showed up at school covered in bruises. So he came home with me, and mum wouldn’t let him go back home. This was when me and mum lived in this small, shitty apartment.”

  
“So you had to share a room?” Athelstan asks, unable to hide the smile on his face. Bjorn nods, looking down at his hands. “What happened?”

  
“When he came out to me, I should have told him that I was confused about what I was, who I was… But I kept it to myself,” Bjorn admits, a guilty look on his face, as he and Athelstan look back at each other. “Then when he moved in, I started noticing little changes in his behaviour. Almost like he was trying to flirt with me. It wasn’t fair on him, but I felt like this was my chance to… you know…”

  
“Figure things out?” Athelstan suggests, and the young man nods.

  
“But I was terrified, and it took me nearly two years to make a move,” Bjorn continues. “But when I did… I immediately knew I had crossed a line. I knew it, the first time we….” His face gets flushed, and he doesn’t finish his sentence, but they both know what he is trying to say. “I knew I had messed things up, but I was scared to end it, because I knew I couldn’t stand it if I’d lose him.”

  
“What did you do?”

  
“I tried to make myself feel a certain way,” Bjorn admits. “I really did, for months. But I just don’t have it in me. I wish I did, because he…” He looks over at his best friend, tears forming in his eyes, and Athelstan can see how much the other man means to him.

  
“Were you ever in love with him?”

  
“I suppose I was,” Bjorn admits, before looking back at Athelstan. “I mean, look at him. Who wouldn’t be?” he adds, trying to laugh it off, but they have already gone past that point, and he sighs.

  
“Being in love with him wasn’t enough?”

  
“I wish it was. But he deserves more. We both do.” Bjorn sighs, as he looks back down at his hands, a pained look on his face. “He deserves a partner who can give him his all, you know?”

  
“You still love him,” Athelstan states, and the young man looks up at him.

  
“You know how they say that there is one person out there who you are meant to spend your life with?” he asks, and Athelstan nods, trying to hide the smile on his face, but failing miserably. “Halfdan is that person for me. My soul mate, or whatever you would call it.”

  
“Have you told him this?”

  
Bjorn is about to say something, when Halfdan comes over to the table and joins them. He wraps an arm around his friend’s shoulder, a big smile on his face.

  
“What are you two talking about?”

  
“You,” Bjorn admits, and Halfdan’s eyes widen. “I was telling Athelstan about our relationship.”

  
“We’re not keeping that quiet anymore?”

  
“I’m pretty sure everyone already knows,” Bjorn laughs. “This family isn’t exactly good at keeping secrets.”

  
“There’s no need for secrets in your family. Everyone gets to hook up with everyone, and…,” Halfdan says, but then he looks a little embarrassed. “Sorry, no offence.”

  
“I…,” Athelstan begins, but then he just shakes his head, laughing.

  
“You are hooking up with Lagertha and Ragnar, right?”

  
“Don’t!” Bjorn warns him, but Halfdan ignores him and continues.

  
“I get it.” He shrugs. “They’re good-looking. Especially Ragnar.”

  
“Don’t even think about it,” Bjorn laughs. “That’s my father.”

  
“So I’m not allowed to look?”

  
“No, you’re not!” Bjorn laughs, and the mischievous grin on his friend’s face grows, making it is obvious that he is only teasing.

  
“What? Jealous?”

  
“Of course not.”

“Good,” Halfdan laughs, pulling Bjorn close. “Because you know you’ll always be my favourite.”

* * *

It is getting dark outside, and Ragnar’s sons, Halfdan and Margrethe are sitting around the fire, Bjorn playing songs on the guitar, and the others all singing along. Athelstan is sitting on the now-empty table, quietly watching and enjoying himself, when he feels someone sitting down behind him, and arms wrapping around his waist.

  
“Hey you,” Ragnar whispers into his ear, his warm breath giving Athelstan chills all over. “You smell good.”

  
“Stop it,” Athelstan laughs, when Ragnar nuzzles his face into his neck. It makes him giggle, but he is fully aware that everyone can see them, so it is making him very self-conscious. And when he notices Rollo staring at him, he pulls away from Ragnar.

  
“Do you have to flaunt it in front of everyone?” Rollo asks, Gisla still hanging on his arm.

  
“Excuse me?” Ragnar asks, a confused look on his face. “Flaunt what?”

  
“This… thing.”

  
“What did he just say?”

  
“Nothing,” Athelstan quickly says, trying to avoid an argument, but Rollo walks over to them, and all of the sudden, Athelstan is aware of the silence, and everyone around the fire now staring at them.

  
“You, doing this to Lagertha,” Rollo spits out. “It’s disgusting enough as it is.”

  
“I’m not doing anything to Lagertha.”

  
“No? What is this then?” Rollo asks, looking Athelstan up and down, a disgusted look on his face. “I am telling you Ragnar, this guy…”

  
“His name,” Ragnar spits out, as he jumps off the table, before stepping up to his brother. “Is Athelstan. And he deserves to be shown respect.”

  
“Oh yeah?” Rollo laughs. “Not from me, he doesn’t.”

  
“Ragnar, please…,” Athelstan tries, but both brothers ignore him.

  
“Why do you always have to flaunt your… disgusting habits in front of everyone, huh?” Rollo asks. “First it was the drugs, now…”

  
“Now what?” Ragnar spits out. “Are you ashamed of me?”

  
“I…”

  
“Are you?” Ragnar repeats. “Do I bring shame to our family? Is that it?”

  
There is a tense silence, where the rage can be seen in Ragnar’s eyes. He can be seen, daring his brother to answer. But Rollo knows better than to say something right now.

  
“If you don’t like what you see, brother, there is the door,” Ragnar says. “Feel free to leave.”

  
“I…”

  
“But don’t you dare tell me how to live my life!”

  
Rollo opens his mouth to object, but Ragnar looks like he is about to breathe fire, and Rollo looks back at Gisla, who shakes her head.

  
“Let’s go,” Rollo says, and he takes her hand, and without saying another word, he drags her out of the garden. But after they have left, the tension remains, and only minutes later, Bjorn and Halfdan leave as well.

  
“Let’s call it a night, eh?” Ragnar suggests, and everyone quickly agrees, glad to be freed from the uncomfortable situation. “I’ll be up in a minute, to put up the air mattress,” Ragnar says, but both Ivar and Hvitserk look at him with a confused look. “What? You’re staying here tonight, aren’t you? You can sleep on the couch if you want. But I thought you’d be staying in your brother’s room.”

  
“I am,” Ivar says. “But he isn’t.”

  
“Then where…,” Ragnar begins, but his partner grabs his arm and shoots him a warning look. “But…”

  
“Let it go.”

  
“Fine,” Ragnar says. “So you’ve all got a place to sleep?” he asks, but before they can answer, he continues. “You all know where the air mattresses are, so if you need them, you grab them yourselves. Now go on.”

  
The young men and Margrethe quickly make their way into the house, while Lagertha, Ragnar and Athelstan sit down at the table to have another drink.

  
“What am I missing here? Why can’t Hvitserk and Ivar share a room?”

  
“They can share a room, but they won’t.” Lagertha shrugs. “Because Hvitserk is staying in Ubbe’s room.”

  
“But… wait, with Ubbe and Margrethe?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“What are you saying? Are they sharing a bed?”

  
“Stop making it sound like something it isn’t, Ragnar.”

  
Lagertha pours them all a drink, while Ragnar looks up at Ubbe’s window, where the curtains are drawn.

  
“You don’t think they…?”

  
“Stop it!”

  
“Well, how do you know?” Ragnar asks, a worried look on his face.

  
“I mean it, Ragnar. Stop it. They are old and wise enough to know what they are doing.”

  
Ragnar puts his hand on Athelstan’s thigh, underneath the table, and Athelstan quickly grabs it, and gives it a squeeze, to show him support. He knows that Ragnar trusts and believes that his sons will do the right thing, that they will not take their relationship with Margrethe or with each other too far. But he also knows how much it had hurt him to see his family split apart, and the thought of something happening that could end in tears and which could split it apart for good, he can’t simply ignore it.

  
“Will you be staying with us tonight?” Lagertha asks, and Athelstan looks at her, to see if she is mocking him, or testing him perhaps. But she hands him a glass of wine, and shows him a smile which tells him that she is trying to convince him, to seduce him.

  
“Please, stay,” Ragnar adds, grabbing his hand tighter.

  
“I will.”

* * *

Lagertha had gotten out of bed before the sun had even risen, but she had made sure not to make a sound, and not to wake anyone in the house. It had given her some time on her own, to think about the last months, about last night, about her relationship with Astrid, her relationship with Ragnar, Ragnar’s relationship with Athelstan. She had all let it happen, and she hadn’t given things too much thought as time had gone on, but she is fully aware of the fact that things have been changing, are still changing.

  
When she gets back to the bedroom, Ragnar looks like he has just woken up. He has an arm around Athelstan’s waist, and he is placing soft, sweet kisses on his neck, before making his way down to his shoulder.

  
“That’s tickling,” Athelstan giggles, but Ragnar keeps placing kisses on his skin, as he makes his way back up to his neck.

  
“I love you,” he then whispers into his ear, still oblivious to the fact that Lagertha is watching them, as she is standing in the doorway.

  
Lagertha watches Athelstan, expecting him to say it back, or to smile at the words. But there is a pained look on his face. A guilty look.

  
“Good morning, boys,” she says, as she goes over to the bed, and she sits down beside them.

  
“I…,” Athelstan begins, but Lagertha leans down, and she kisses him.

  
“I know,” she then says, and she flashes a reassuring smile, before getting back up. “Are you coming down for breakfast?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	9. Chapter 9

“Is this yours?” Margrethe asks, as she hands Athelstan his phone, before sitting down at the kitchen table. Athelstan hadn’t even noticed he hadn’t had his phone, but when he checks, he realises it is indeed his. “I’m sorry, it’s the same as mine, so I must have accidentally grabbed it last night.”

  
“That’s fine,” Athelstan says, before checking it for new messages. He expects to find a text or two, but there are dozens of missed calls, most from his neighbours, and volunteers at the community centre. And there are so many messages, that he doesn’t even know where to begin.

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
“I’m not sure.”

  
Athelstan opens the first messages, worried that someone might have gotten hurt, or worse, that someone has passed away. But he finds messages about a fire at the community centre, and everyone around the table notices the colour draining from his face.

  
“What is it?” Ragnar asks, a worried look on his face.

  
“There was a fire last night. I think…”

  
“At the centre?” Lagertha asks, but Athelstan can’t get himself to answer. So Ragnar grabs his phone out of his hands, and reads the messages. He then jumps up, and drags Athelstan out of his chair.

  
“Come on, we’re going.”

  
“I’m coming too,” Ubbe says, and before they know it, they’re all on their way to the centre.

  
They find a crowd gathered there, most people huddled together, most likely gossiping about what has happened. But when they notice the Lothbrok family and Athelstan coming up to them, they keep quiet, and they quickly move away, to make room for them to enter the centre.

  
“It looks fine,” Ivar says, as they go into the building. They had expected to find it burned down to the ground, but although there is a faint burnt smell in the air, they don’t find any of the rooms burned.

  
“Athelstan? Thank God you’re here!” a woman says, as she storms up to them. “I’ve been trying to call you all night! Where were you?”

  
“I was… what happened?”

  
“I’ll show you,” the woman says, and she leads them out into the garden, where the smell becomes worse, almost sickening. Ragnar already knows what’s coming, so he puts his arm around Athelstan’s shoulder, trying to show him some kind of support. But when they find the shed, reduced to nothing but ashes, Athelstan starts shaking, and tears start falling from his eyes.

  
“Come here,” Ragnar says, and he wraps his arms around him. He turns him away from the shed, so he won’t have to see it anymore, but there is no avoiding it. The shed, his home, with everything he owns inside of it, is gone.

  
“What happened?” Lagertha asks.

  
“We came home from a birthday,” the woman explains. “We live next door. And my son, he noticed the smell. I think it must have been going for a while by then, because the thing was almost burned down by then, and the fire was already dying down.”

  
“Did you call the fire brigade?”

  
“We put it out ourselves,” Athelstan’s neighbour admits. “Perhaps we should have called them, but…”

  
“You did the right thing,” Ivar says, flashing a big fake smile. “Thank you, miss.”

  
“If there’s anything we can do, give us a call, love,” the woman says. “Anything.”

  
She leaves the garden, fully aware of the fact that she isn’t wanted here. And as soon as she has left, they all turn to face Ivar. Ragnar lets go of Athelstan, who is still shaking, but who is trying not to show how much this is affecting him.

  
“Someone started this fire,” Ivar says, before picking up someone from the pile of rubble, and handing it over to his father. “You cannot tell me that Athelstan has the same one.”

  
“What is it?” Lagertha asks, but Ragnar isn’t sure if he should show her, or anyone else. Because if Ivar is right, it means that someone has burned down Athelstan’s home on purpose, perhaps even tried to burn it down, hoping he was inside.

  
“I’m not sure.”

  
“It’s Floki’s lighter,” Ivar explains. “He’s had that thing for as long as I can remember.”

  
“Perhaps he left it here when he was working on the garden,” Hvitserk suggests, but Ivar just raises an eyebrow.

  
“He has never been in there,” Athelstan says. “But I don’t want anyone being accused of starting a fire. It is probably just…”

  
“An accident?” Ubbe asks. “The guy hates you. And he’s crazy enough to do something like this.”

  
“Athelstan is right. We are not accusing anyone of anything, not until…,” Ragnar begins, but when he looks down at the lighter in his hands, there is no doubt in his mind as to whose it is. He then looks up at Athelstan. “You are staying with us until I’ve built you a new place. Just like we had already planned,” he continues, trying to hide his anger. His fear. Because if Floki is capable of this, then what else is he capable of? “And we are not telling anyone about this, okay?”

  
“Why don’t we go to the police? Let them deal with it,” Margrethe suggests.

  
“I will deal with Floki.”

* * *

“What are you…?”

  
Ragnar slams Floki into the wall, blood already pouring from a large gash on the side of his face. And although Ragnar had promised himself he would only ask him what happened, the minute he had seen him, he had lost his temper.

  
He punches him again, and Floki tries to hit back. But he is no match for Ragnar, who grabs him by the shirt, and slams him down on the desk.

  
“I know what you did!”

  
“I didn’t do anything.”

  
“Don’t lie to me!” Ragnar shouts, before picking up a hammer, out of his toolbox, and holding it over Floki’s face. “I know you burned down his place.”

  
“I…”

  
“You knew that’s where he lived!”

  
“I…,” Floki tries, but when Ragnar threatens to hit him with the hammer, he keeps quiet.

  
“Were you hoping he was there when you burned it down?” Ragnar asks. “Is that it? Were you hoping to get rid of him?”

  
“He wasn’t home then?” Floki asks, before letting out a nervous giggle. Ragnar almost loses it, and it takes everything in him to not smash Floki’s head in with the hammer right then and there.

  
“You could have killed him, Floki!”

  
“He’s fine though, isn’t he?”

  
“He…”

  
“He’ll get his new shed, so what is…”

  
“That was his home!” Ragnar spits out, as he throws the hammer across the room. It lodges into the wall, and a long, tense silence follows.

  
“You tried to kill a man, Floki,” Ragnar eventually says, and his former best friend sits up. “Why? Why do you hate him so much?”

  
“I don’t trust him. He has put a spell on you, Ragnar.”

  
“He hasn’t. I promise you that he hasn’t,” Ragnar says, and he sighs. “He isn’t using me, he isn’t taking advantage of me, he isn’t… he is a good man, Floki.”

  
“I only ever wanted to protect you.”

  
“I don’t need your protection. I appreciate you looking out for me, but not if it means that you’re going to kill the man I love.”

  
“You love him?” Floki asks, and Ragnar can’t help but laugh. “Do you?”

  
“Yes, Floki. So stop trying to kill him.”

  
“Oh, whatever.” Floki shrugs. “He’s fine, isn’t he?”

  
“Will you leave him alone from now on?”

  
“I still don’t like him.”

  
“You don’t have to like him.”

  
“Good, because I don’t.”

* * *

Athelstan has been living in the Lothbrok home for a few weeks now, and although Ragnar could have finished the shed weeks ago, he has kept putting it off, because he doesn’t want Athelstan to move out. Athelstan is fully aware of it, but he isn’t complaining. Not at all.

  
He has just done the dishes, when he notices Sigurd out in the garden, sitting on his own. So he goes over to him, to see if he’s okay. The teenager has been quieter than usual over the last few days, and his father had brushed it off, saying it was probably a school-thing. But when Athelstan sits down with him, he can tell that Sigurd is upset.

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
“I was just thinking.”

  
“About?”

  
“It doesn’t matter.” Sigurd shrugs, as he looks up at the sky.

  
“Boys?”

  
“I guess.”

  
“A certain boy?”

  
“No, definitely not.”

  
“Tell me,” Athelstan says.

  
“It doesn’t matter,” Sigurd repeats, but after a moment or two, he changes his mind. “I was just thinking, what if I never meet anyone? You know, everyone here has got someone, and I…”

  
“You will meet someone. I know you will.”

  
“But what if I don’t?”

  
“Give it time,” Athelstan says. “It will happen.”

  
“I just feel like…,” Sigurd begins, but then his face gets flushed, and he stops.

  
“What?”

  
“I feel like people will think something is wrong with me if I don’t find someone soon,” the teenager admits. “Because everyone here is dating someone, or even more than one person.”

  
“There is nothing wrong with you, Sigurd,” Athelstan reassures him. “You will meet the right person when the time is right. Maybe it will be next week, maybe next year, maybe…”

  
“I don’t want to wait that long.”

  
“You can’t force these things. Besides, one day you’ll be looking back at these times, and you’ll be wishing you were still single. You will be missing your freedom, your privacy, time for yourself…,” Athelstan tries, but Sigurd cuts him off.

  
“Like you would know. You have my dad.”

  
“I had been single for many years when I met your father,” Athelstan admits. “Almost as long as you’ve been alive. So actually, I do know.”

  
Sigurd has a confused look on his face, and Athelstan can’t help but smile.

  
“If it’s meant to happen, it will happen.”

  
“Like you meeting my dad?”

  
“That’s not…”

  
“You are in a relationship with him, right?” the teenager asks, but before Athelstan can answer, Ragnar joins them. “Thank you, for…,” Sigurd quickly says, before getting up and going into the house.

  
“I overheard the conversation,” Ragnar admits. “Are you missing your freedom?”

  
“No! I was only trying to cheer him up. Besides, I still have my freedom, don’t I?”

  
“Of course.”

  
Ragnar notices a sadness in the younger man’s eyes, and he has to look away to not feel so guilty.

  
“You ehm… you didn’t get to answer his last question.”

  
“Which was?”

  
“Are we in a relationship?” Ragnar asks.

  
“Of course not,” Athelstan laughs. “This is just something on the side, right? You’re with Lagertha.”

  
“What if…”

  
“I have some work to do, so….” Athelstan gets up, and Ragnar wants to stop him, but he can’t get himself to do it. Because he isn’t even sure of what he had been about to say. He knows what he is feeling, what he has been trying to deny to himself for months. But he has no idea what it is that he truly wants. Or perhaps he is simply not ready to admit it to himself yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

Ragnar is working in the garden, trying to fix it up after the mess it has become after all the summer barbeques. Hvitserk and Ubbe had helped him out for a bit, but they had gone out to get groceries, leaving him, for the first time in a very long time, alone at the house.

  
It is a hot day, so he had taken his shirt off, and he is singing along to the radio, fully unaware of the fact that Margrethe has just walked into the garden, and she is watching him.

  
But then he turns around, and he notices her. She has been staying over so many times, that he is used to her being around, but never without either Hvitserk or Ubbe being with her.

  
“They’re out,” he says, expecting her to go into the house to wait for them. But instead, she flashes a smile, before coming up to him.

  
“I know.”

  
“You can go and wait for them. I’m sure they’ll be back soon,” Ragnar suggests, hoping the teenager will leave him alone, so he can get back to work. But she takes yet another step towards him, now coming into his personal space, making him feel a little uncomfortable. But he doesn’t want to make things awkward between them, so he simply looks out at the garden, forcing a smile onto his face. “I really should…”

  
“I like you, Ragnar,” Margrethe states, not giving him a chance to finish his sentence, and something inside of him is telling him that this isn’t just a friendly ‘I like you’. This is something more, something that he should be shutting down quickly.

  
“Thank you, Margrethe. My sons will get back soon, so I really think…”

  
Before Ragnar can say another word, Margrethe has put a hand on his bare chest. He quickly moves away from her, but by the look on her face, he can tell that she isn’t going to accept his rejection.

  
“Don’t,” he warns her, and he takes another step away from her. “Just don’t!”

  
“I can see the way you look at me,” the teenager says, and she tries to kiss him, but he manages to avoid her just in time. “I know we’ll have to keep it from your family, but…”

  
“I don’t want this, Margrethe. Just stop!”

  
The teenager tries to put a hand on his chest again, but when they hear Hvitserk and Ubbe coming into the garden, she quickly steps away from him. Ragnar watches her, and in a split second, he sees her change from a determined, strong-willed young woman, into a fragile, hurt little girl who is on the verge of tears.

  
“What is going on?” Ubbe asks, when he sees how upset his girlfriend is.

  
“He tried to…,” Margrethe begins, but then she bursts into tears, and she lets herself fall into Hvitserk’s arms.

  
“What did you do?” Ubbe asks. “What did you say to her?”

  
“He tried to hit on me,” Margrethe sobs. “I told him no, but…”

  
“Dad?” Hvitserk asks, and Ragnar simply stands there, unable to wrap his head around what is happening. “Did you hurt her?”

  
“He wouldn’t take no for an answer,” Margrethe whispers. Ubbe stares at her for a moment, but then he shakes his head.

  
“You’re lying.”

  
“What?”

  
“You’re lying,” Ubbe repeats. “He would never do that.”

  
“But he…”

  
“Is that true?” Hvitserk asks, his arms still around his girlfriend. The girl opens her mouth to say something, but Hvitserk has already let go of her, and he steps up to Ragnar. “What happened?”

  
“Nothing happened,” Ragnar says. “I promise.”

  
He can see the doubt in his son’s eyes, but he isn’t going to try and convince him, to tell him that Margrethe is a liar. Because this is his son’s first girlfriend, and he knows that if he wants to believe her, he will believe her, no matter what the truth is.

  
“I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but… just go,” Ubbe says. “We’re done.”

  
“Hvitserk?”

  
“Ubbe is right,” Hvitserk mumbles, staring down at his feet. Margrethe looks like she is about to put up a fight, but then she just storms off.

  
Hvitserk looks like he is close to tears, and Ragnar wants to try and comfort him, tell him that it is going to be okay, that there will be other girls. But when Ubbe wraps his arms around him, Ragnar knows that he isn’t needed here.

* * *

“Wow,” Athelstan says, after Ragnar has explained to him and Lagertha what has happened. “Do you think she…”

  
“What?”

  
“If you had given into her, do you think she would have kept playing them?”

  
“Yes.” Ragnar sighs. “I don’t think she’s the sweet girl she made herself out to be.”

  
“Poor Hvitserk. This was his first girlfriend,” Lagertha says, and they all look out into the garden, where the two boys are sitting in the grass. Ubbe hasn’t left Hvitserk’s side since it had happened, and although Hvitserk was supposed to go back home to Aslaug tonight, he had decided to stay at the Lothbrok home tonight, to stay with Ubbe.

  
“At least they have each other,” Athelstan says, but then he sees the worried look on Ragnar’s face. “What?”

  
“You didn’t see her, she’s…”

  
“Do you think she’ll try to get back with them?” Lagertha asks, a worried look on her face.

  
“I don’t know. But I don’t think this is over yet.”

* * *

Ragnar has been at the community centre all day, and he was supposed to work on the new shed. But instead, he has been hanging out with Athelstan and helping him with his work. Or rather, distracting him, and keeping him from doing his work.  
They are about to go home, when Ragnar notices Bjorn sitting in the hallway, checking his phone. So he goes over to him, and sits down with him.

  
“What are you doing here? Is something wrong?”

  
“No, I’m just waiting for Sigurd and Halfdan.”

  
“Sigurd and… but…”

  
“The meeting?” Bjorn explains, and that’s when Ragnar realises what day it is.

  
“Halfdan goes to those meetings? Isn’t he too old?”

  
“He is. But Sigurd can do with the support, so they allowed Halfdan to join him.”

  
“The support?”

  
“Yeah,” Bjorn says. “Someone to talk to about that kind of stuff.”

  
“He can talk to me,” Ragnar says, and his son can’t help but smile. “I’m glad he has a friend, but…”

  
“Sigurd knows he can talk to you, dad. But there are things you don’t understand. Things you haven’t been through, that Halfdan has been through.”

  
“Like what?”

  
“You know what.”

  
“Being gay?” Ragnar asks, and Bjorn sighs. “I’m not gay, but I know what…”

  
“Not that.”

  
“Then what?”

  
“What Ivar did to him. He made him feel like it wasn’t okay to be who he is,” Bjorn explains. “He knows what Ivar is like, but that did something to him.”

  
“And Halfdan can relate because his brother…”

  
“Exactly.”

  
“But he can talk to me, I know what it’s like…”

  
“You don’t know, dad,” Bjorn interrupts him. “Rollo never rejected you because you are… whatever. He is treating you like this because he hates Athelstan, and because he is in love with mum. He is jealous, and he can’t stand that she’s still with you, even when you’re ‘cheating’ with Athelstan. He is just…”

  
“When did you get so smart, huh?” Ragnar laughs, as he puts an arm around his son’s shoulder. “I suppose you are right.”

  
“I am.”

  
“But you will keep an eye out for your brother, will you? If Halfdan ever…”

  
“What, you think he will try it on with Sigurd?”

  
“You never know.”

  
“I do know,” Bjorn laughs. “Don’t worry. That is never going to happen.”

* * *

“Torvi, is that you?” Ragnar asks, when a young woman steps up to him and Athelstan at Bjorn and Halfdan’s gig. “You look great! How have you been?”

  
“Ragnar Lothbrok.” Torvi flashes a big smile, before giving him a big hug. “My goodness, you look…”

  
“Whoa!” Ragnar laughs, stopping her. “I’m already taken.”

  
“I’m not interested, old man,” Torvi laughs, before playfully punching him in the arm. “It’s so good to see you again!”

  
“You too. Torvi, meet Athelstan, he is my…”

  
“Friend,” Athelstan suggests, and the young woman flashes a knowing smile.

  
“Nice to meet you, ‘friend’ of Ragnar. I’m Torvi, I used to go out with Bjorn, years ago.”

  
“How did you end up here?” Ragnar asks.

  
“I ran into Bjorn, the other day, and he told me about the band. He invited me to the gig, and here I am.”

  
“Ah…”

  
“Nothing else happened! We’ve been there, done that. No, thank you.”

  
“No?” Athelstan laughs, and the young woman’s eyes widen.

  
“Definitely not. Don’t get me wrong, Bjorn is great, but… no.”

  
“That’s a shame. We miss you,” Ragnar says, “You should…”

  
“Torvi?” Ubbe asks, a big smile on his face.

  
“My goodness, Ubbe?” Torvi asks, and she steps up to the young man to give him a big hug. “You’re all grown up! And you look just like your father!”

  
“Thanks?” Ubbe laughs, as she lets go of him.

  
“Much more handsome though,” she adds, before winking at Ragnar. Ragnar shakes his head, smiling, before leading Athelstan over to the stage, where the band is about to go on.

“She’s great.”

  
“Torvi is the best. She reminds me of Lagertha,” Ragnar says, before looking over his shoulder, only to find Ubbe and Torvi laughing and chatting away.

  
“Do you think she and Ubbe…”

“His brother’s ex-girlfriend?”

  
“Why not?”

  
“At least he wouldn’t be sharing a girlfriend with a brother this time. I suppose it’s some improvement.” Ragnar shrugs, and Athelstan can’t help but laugh. “I really should have taught them better than this.”

  
“Nah, I think they’re alright,” Athelstan says, and Ragnar wraps his arms around his waist, resting his head on his shoulder.

  
“I worry for them. I don’t want them to fall out with each other, like me and Rollo.”

  
“They won’t.”

  
“How do you know?”

  
“Because they’ve got you looking out for them,” the younger man says, looking down at Ragnar’s arms around his waist. “You won’t let that happen.”

  
“Athelstan?”

  
“Mhm?”

  
“I love you.”

  
“I…”

  
“Oh, get a room, you two. You’re disgusting.”

  
“Hello, Ivar.” Athelstan sighs, and he wriggles out of Ragnar’s grip, only to find the teenager standing next to them, an irritated look on his face.

  
“I hate it when people…”

  
“Ivar?” Ragnar asks, cutting him off.

  
“Yes?”

  
“Shut up.”

* * *

“Give me your phone!”

  
“No!”

  
“Hvitserk, give me that damn phone!”

  
“No!” the teenager spits out, as he gets up from the table. “Fuck you!”

  
Hvitserk is about to storm out of the room, but Ragnar jumps up, and grabs his arm.

  
“What did you say to me?”

  
“Nothing, I…”

  
“Phone. Now!”

  
“But I…”

  
“Now!” Ragnar repeats, and his son hesitates for a moment, but then he hands his phone over to his father, before sitting back down at the table.

  
“You’ve been staring at your phone all day. We hardly ever see you, and now…,” Lagertha begins, but when Hvitserk rolls his eyes at her, she stops. “What is going on with you? This isn’t like you.”

  
“Whatever.”

  
“He’s been texting Margrethe,” Ubbe explains.

  
“What? How do you…”

  
“How do I know?” Ubbe asks, Hvitserk’s face turning a dark shade of red. “Because I know you, Hvitserk. What has she been saying? Has she been promising you that she’ll change? That it didn’t mean anything?”

“She…”

  
“She lied, Hvitserk. Not just now, but about dad. That was bullshit. I am telling you, she…”

  
“You’re just jealous,” Hvitserk interrupts him. “Because she still wants to be with me, and not with you.”

  
“For fuck sake,” Ubbe spits out. “She’s crazy. She is not…”

  
“Shut up!”

  
Hvitserk gets up again, and this time Ubbe wants to stop him from leaving the room, but Ragnar shakes his head.

  
“Leave him.”

  
“But…”

  
“He isn’t going to listen to you, Ubbe,” Athelstan says. “He’s still in love with her, so he can’t see what she’s really like.”

  
“She will end up hurting him.”

  
“Then I guess we’ll just have to be here for him when that happens,” Ragnar says. His son is about to object, but then he just stares down at the table. “What?”

  
“This is all my fault.”

  
“No, it isn’t. And you know it isn’t, because you’re the smart one.”

  
“I thought Bjorn was the smart one,” Sigurd says, and his father shoots him an angry glare. “Sorry…”

  
“You can’t go around blaming yourself, or feeling sorry for yourself, do you hear me? Because when all this goes pear-shaped, your brother needs you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	11. Chapter 11

At first when the shed had burned down, and Athelstan had moved in with the Lothbroks, he had stayed in Hvitserk’s old room. Some nights he would stay with Lagertha and Ragnar, but Hvitserk’s room was now ‘his’ room. Then one night, after a few weeks, Ragnar had come into his room, and they had spent the night together. No one had mentioned it, but when it had happened again, Lagertha had not asked him to spend the night with her and Ragnar for a full week after that. Athelstan had wanted to apologise to her, but he hadn’t been given the chance, because as he was about to go to their bedroom to apologise, Lagertha had dragged him in, and the three of them had ended up in bed again, as though the week before had never happened.

  
But something had changed, and Lagertha had started spending more time with Astrid. She had started staying with her for days, sometimes a full week. At first Athelstan had stayed in his own room, but Ragnar had asked him to stay with him one night, and he had never gone back to his own room.

  
Everyone in the house had noticed the change, but it has still gone unmentioned. And with Christmas coming up, it doesn’t feel like the right time to start a conversation like that.

  
They all know that it will have to come out sooner or later though. But for now, they are trying to keep the peace, and they are trying to strengthen the family bond again with a nice family dinner.

* * *

“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” Ubbe asks, and his brother rolls his eyes. “I mean it, Bjorn, if…”

  
“Me and Torvi, that was years ago. You like her, she likes you… What is the problem?”

  
“I just don’t want you to hate me for it.”

  
“I don’t. I’d rather she go out with you than some dickhead I don’t know.”

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“Ask me that one more time, and I swear…,” Bjorn warns him, and without giving his brother a chance to say another word, he leaves the room, to join Halfdan and Sigurd on the couch.

  
“Thank you for inviting me.”

  
“Of course, you’re one of us,” Bjorn says, and Halfdan wraps an arm around his shoulder, and pulls him close.

  
“I still don’t get why you two are not together.” Sigurd shrugs, before getting up to his feet. “It’s dumb.”

  
“You’ll get it when you’re older,” Bjorn laughs, as his best friend kisses the top of his head.

  
“No, I won’t. You two are idiots.”

  
The teenager leaves the room, and Bjorn looks up at Halfdan, who has a shy smile on his face. Bjorn still remembers everything that has happened between them, from their first kiss, to their first time, to their final kiss. It breaks his heart, because he loves Halfdan so much, and he knows that Halfdan is still in love with him. And he knows what they could have, if only he could change.

  
“I…,” he begins, wanting to say so many things, but then he kisses Halfdan, who without hesitation, kisses him back. And although it’s been so many years, this kiss feels safe, familiar. It feels like homecoming.

  
Bjorn doesn’t want it to end, but Halfdan pulls away, and he sighs.

  
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

  
“I love you, Bjorn.”

  
“I am so sorry,” Bjorn whispers, as Halfdan places his hand on the side of his face. He flashes a small smile, before kissing him. “I wish I…”

  
“I know. Me too.”

* * *

“Stop!”

  
“What?” Ivar asks, as he puts his fork down. “We’re all here, aren’t we?”

  
“Not yet. Athelstan, he…,” Ragnar explains, and the teenager rolls his eyes.

  
“That again?”

  
“Yes, that again, Ivar. Now shut up and give him a moment,” Ragnar says, and Athelstan shoots him a grateful smile, before bowing his head and taking a moment to say grace in silence.

  
“Done?” Ivar asks, when Athelstan looks back up.

  
“Yes, thank you.”

  
“This is dumb,” the teenager spits out, and Ragnar is about to open his mouth to tell him off, but Athelstan stops him.

  
“So, when is your next gig?” Torvi asks, trying to change the subject.

  
“Why, are you planning on picking up another one of my brothers?”

  
“Ivar!” Lagertha warns him, but Ivar just shrugs, as he stares down at his plate of food.

  
“Disappointed I picked Ubbe over you?” Torvi asks, a daring smile on her face.

  
“As if!”

  
“Sorry, Ivar. You’re a little young for me. A little immature. Like a little boy.”

  
“You stupid…”

  
“What?” Torvi asks, not backing down. But Ivar decides to set his sights on someone else, and he looks over at Hvitserk.

  
“Are you still seeing Margrethe?”

  
“Yeah. We’re trying to, you know, get things back on track.”

  
“I could always tell she liked you more.”

  
“She…,” Hvitserk begins, his face turning red, and he keeps quiet.

  
“That’s what she said, isn’t it?” Ivar asks, before looking at Ubbe to see his reaction. But Ubbe knows that he is only trying to get to him, and he isn’t giving into it. “She never really liked Ubbe.”

  
“I don’t know.” Hvitserk shrugs.

  
“Why are you doing this?” Sigurd asks. “Why can’t you ever just be nice to us?”

  
“Nice?” Ivar laughs. “I am nice. Aren’t I nice, Athelstan?”

  
“Not right now, you aren’t. You are a nice boy, but…”

  
“Liar,” Ivar laughs. “You hate me.”

  
“Stop it,” Ragnar warns him, but his son shows him one of his evil smiles, not backing down.

  
“What is wrong with you?” Ubbe asks, still remaining calm, not letting himself get riled up by his brother. And it is his calmth, that makes Ivar snap.

  
“Wrong with me? What is wrong with me?” Ivar spits out. “You are all a bunch of…!”

  
“Don’t!” Lagertha warns him.

  
“You think you’re better than us?” Ubbe asks. “What makes you so special, huh?”

  
“At least I’m not sleeping with my own brother,” Ivar says, and a long, tense silence follows. Ubbe looks at Torvi, to see her reaction, but there is none. He then looks at Hvitserk, hoping that he is okay, but the young man is staring down at the table, close to tears.

  
“We…”

  
“I assume you have told your little girlfriend about that, haven’t you?”

  
“I…,” Ubbe tries, but he can’t find any words to say. Because what is there to say? All he wants to do is smack the arrogant grin off of his brother’s face, but he can’t. Because even after this, Ivar is still his little brother, and he doesn’t want to hurt him. He just can’t.

  
“No, you two don’t have to explain or defend yourselves,” Ragnar then says. “This is supposed to be a nice, quiet, peaceful family dinner. So Ivar?”

  
“Yes, _father_?”

  
“Shut up!”

* * *

“Me and Hvitserk, we ehm…”

  
“I know, Ivar just told me, didn’t he?” Torvi says, a mischievous smile on her face.

  
She is out in the garden, and has been for a little while. Ubbe had been wanting to come out to talk to her, but he had been too scared to. Because what if she will dump him after tonight?

  
“That’s not…”

  
“I know, Ubbe. I know what Ivar is like. He says things to get into your head.” Torvi sighs, as she grabs her boyfriend’s hand.

  
“Me and Hvitserk…”

  
“Shh, you don’t have to explain yourself. Not to me. I like you, Ubbe. A lot.”

  
“Even though…?”

  
“Even though your little brother is a little shit?” Torvi laughs.

  
“That’s not what I meant.”

  
“I know what you meant. Come here,” Torvi says, as she wraps her arms around him. “Don’t let him get to you. And don’t let him ruin what you and Hvitserk have, okay?”

* * *

“Should I talk to Aslaug?”

  
“She’ll only defend him,” Lagertha says, as she picks up her jacket. “It’s not worth your time.”

  
“But he…”

  
“Does it to rile us all up, to get attention, to… he thinks he is tough. But Torvi is right, he is just a little boy. He will grow out of this behaviour.”

  
“What if he doesn’t?” Ragnar asks, but his partner just shrugs. “He’s my son, Lagertha, I can’t let him go on like this.”

  
“I don’t know, okay?”

  
“You don’t know, or you don’t care?”

  
“That’s not fair.”

  
“You’re ready to leave,” Ragnar says, “This is our family, Lagertha.”

  
“I know that. But…”

  
“Is that it? Are you leaving?”

  
“Not now,” Lagertha says. “We’ll talk later.”

  
“When?”

  
“I don’t know, Ragnar. Just not now. I have to go,” Lagertha says, and without saying another word, she leaves the house.  
Athelstan, who has overheard the conversation, steps into the living room, and he joins Ragnar on the couch. He grabs his hand, and gives it a squeeze, to let him know that he is here for him.

  
“I can’t lose her.”

  
“Just give her some time.”

  
“Do you think she knows?” Ragnar asks, and the younger man looks up at him.

  
“Knows what?”

  
“That I have fallen in love with you.”

  
“Don’t do this.”

  
“But Athel…”

  
“Don’t.”

* * *

Lagertha had come home a few days before Christmas, and they had all gone on as though nothing had happened. But even though the three of them are sharing a bedroom with each other, Lagertha has distanced herself from the two men.  
She is keeping up appearances for the children, but when it’s just the three of them, she is not the same as she once was. It is as though she has already moved on.

“What is this?” Athelstan asks, when Ragnar leads him into the living room.

  
It is Christmas morning, and he was planning on preparing breakfast for all of them. But instead, Ragnar had dragged him out of bed, and had told him to close his eyes. So here he is, tripping over his own feet, a little scared at what he is about to walk into.

  
“Open your eyes.”

  
“Surprise!” Sigurd says, a big smile on his face. He and his brothers, Torvi and Halfdan, are sitting there, surrounded by packages, which isn’t a surprise at all, seeing as it is Christmas.

  
“I’m confused…”

  
“These are all yours,” Bjorn explains. “We put our money together to buy you some new things. We know you lost everything in the fire, so…”

  
“You didn’t have to buy me anything, I…”

  
“Have one outfit?” Ragnar laughs. He and the boys had been offering their clothes to Athelstan ever since the fire, but he had been rejecting them, telling them that he is fine, he can manage with what he has. Which is only the outfit he had been wearing on the night of the fire.

  
“We’re not taking no for an answer, so you’ll just have to accept them,” Sigurd says, as he gets up, and hands one of the packages to Athelstan.

  
“I…,” Athelstan begins, but then his emotions take over, and he struggles to get another word out. Sigurd gives him a big hug, and the teenager trying to comfort him only makes Athelstan more emotional, but he appreciates the try. “Thank you, guys. You have no idea how much this means to me. Not the gifts, but…”

  
“Oh come on,” Ragnar laughs. “You act like no one has ever given you anything. You soppy git.”

  
“Shut up,” Athelstan laughs, but Ragnar can tell that he has touched on something. So he pulls him into a hug, and brings his mouth up to the younger man’s ear.

  
“Are you okay?”

  
“I am. Thank you.”

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“Mhm.”

* * *

“What happened this morning?”

  
“Nothing.”

  
“Why did it mean so much?” Ragnar asks, when he and Athelstan are in bed.

  
Lagertha has just left to go to Astrid, but she will be back tomorrow, to finally have that conversation which they have been dreading for weeks, or perhaps months.

  
“I’m just grateful, that’s all.”

  
“Liar,” Ragnar says, and Athelstan can’t help but smile. “Tell me.”

  
“I ehm… I didn’t lose much, when the shed burned down. Some clothes, paperwork… but nothing personal.”

  
“Photos?”

  
“No.”

  
“None?”

  
“None.” Athelstan sighs. “When I was Ivar’s age, I ran away from home.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because all my life, my parents had been abusing each other, and I was sick of it. I couldn’t stand seeing them hurting each other anymore. So I left, but I took nothing. Just some clothes, some money…”

  
“No photos.”

  
“I’m not even sure if my parents have any. But they… they never cared for me,” Athelstan explains. “What you and your family did for me, showing me,” he continues, but then he stops himself.

  
“Love?”

  
“Yes. No one has ever done that for me. It just got to me, that’s all.”

  
“You’re family, Athelstan. They love you.”

  
“I’m not sure if I deserve it though. I was not a good person, Ragnar,” Athelstan admits. “I worked hard, to make my way out there. But I was never taught how to be good. So I… I messed up.”

  
“You had an affair with a married woman?”

  
“Yes. Judith. I was young, and stupid. Her husband was my boss, and he was good to me, but… No one had ever shown me that kind of, well, any kind of…”

  
“Attention,” Ragnar suggests, and the younger man nods.

  
“I should have told her no, but I didn’t. And by the time I realised what I was doing, her husband had found out.”

  
“What happened?”

  
“He fired me, I lost my home, I ended up on the street,” Athelstan explains. “That’s when I…”

  
“Found God?” Ragnar asks, and Athelstan gets a shy smile on his face.

  
“Yes.”

  
“And what happened to Judith and her husband?”

  
“I’m not sure. But I regret what happened, Ragnar, I…”

  
“You are human. That is all.”

  
“What I did was wrong.”

  
“She was married, Athelstan. She chose to have an affair, you…”

  
“Have a responsibility.”

  
“And look at you now,” Ragnar laughs. “Sleeping with a man who has a partner.”

  
“Screw you, Ragnar,” Athelstan laughs. But Ragnar rolls on top of him, and pins down his hands above his head. “You are such a…”

  
“A what? Huh?”

  
Ragnar starts kissing Athelstan’s neck, slowly making his way down to his chest. But just as Athelstan closes his eyes, and lets himself get lost in it, the door opens, and Sigurd comes storming in.

  
“Dad, I…!”

  
“What the…!” Ragnar spits out, as he rolls off of Athelstan. He quickly covers him and Athelstan up with the covers, but Sigurd has already seen what was going on, and his face is about as flushed as it can get. “Learn to knock, will you?”

  
“But I…?”

  
“What?”

  
“The wi-fi doesn’t work,” Sigurd mumbles.

  
“Then ask your brother.”

  
“He’s with Torvi… I think they’re having sex…”

  
“So were we, for fuck sake!” Ragnar says, and he looks at Athelstan, who is trying really hard not to laugh, but failing miserably. “Go read a book or something. Go to sleep, I don’t care.”

  
“But I…”

  
“Sigurd!”

  
“Sorry…,” the teenager mumbles. “I didn’t realise you were…”

  
“Go away.”

  
Sigurd leaves the room, closing the door behind him, but before the door has even closed, Athelstan has burst into laughter, unable to keep it in any longer.

  
“Seriously?” Ragnar asks, shaking his head. “The fucking wi-fi…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> samunderthelights.tumblr.com


	12. Chapter 12

“Where is Athelstan?” Lagertha asks, as she joins Ragnar in the living room. He has sent the boys away, so they won’t interrupt while he and Lagertha are discussing their relationship, and their future together. He has been dreading this conversation for a long time, but he knows that they can’t go on like this, so it’s best to get it over with. But now that the moment is actually here, his heart feels like it is about to beat out of his chest.

  
“He’s upstairs. Do I need to tell him to leave? I can…”

  
“He should be here.”

  
“Really?”

  
“He is a part of this, and you know it,” Lagertha says, and her words make Ragnar feel like he is to blame for all of this. Like he has messed it all up again. Just like he had done, all those years ago, when he had cheated on Lagertha with Aslaug. And although he knows that this is different, the guilt is still there, and he can’t even face his partner right now.

  
He gets up, and he runs up the stairs, where he finds Athelstan making the bed, a nervous look on his face.

  
“Is everything okay?”

  
“She’s leaving me,” Ragnar whispers, and Athelstan drops everything, to wrap his arms around him.

  
“What did she say?”

  
“Nothing yet, but…”

  
“I’m sure it will be fine. Just go downstairs, and listen to what she has to say. She…”

  
“She thinks you should be there,” Ragnar says, and the younger man lets go of him.

  
“Do you think she wants me to move out?”

  
“Athelstan, she…”

  
“I will go. It’s better for you, and your…”

  
“I don’t want you to move out,” Lagertha interrupts, as she comes up the stairs. “It’s me who is moving out.”

  
“But…”

  
“Where will you go?”

  
“I’m moving in with Astrid. For now.”

  
“What about us?” Ragnar asks, and his partner flashes a small, sad smile. “Please don’t say it, Lagertha. I can…”

  
“You have done nothing wrong, Ragnar. I promise you, you have been…” She takes a deep breath, as she places her hands on his chest. “You gave me so much, but… this isn’t working anymore. It’s not how it should be.”

  
“I will go. Please, I…,” Athelstan tries, but when Lagertha turns to face him, he stops.

  
“What can I do to make you stay?” Ragnar asks.

  
“Nothing. I need to leave, for all of our sakes.”

  
“I am so sorry,” Athelstan says. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought…”

  
“Stop it. I am glad you have come into our lives. That Ragnar has..,” Lagertha begins, but then she looks down at her feet, smiling to herself.

  
“You know, don’t you?”

  
“I have known for months, Ragnar. I know you better than you know yourself.”

  
“Why didn’t you say anything?”

  
“Because I wasn’t sure if you had realized you had fallen in love with Athelstan yourself. Not until I heard you tell him… And perhaps I wasn’t ready to move on just yet,” Lagertha admits, before looking up, a sad look on her face.

  
“I am so sorry,” Ragnar tries to say, but his voice breaks, and as he wraps his arms around his partner, he can feel the tears falling from his eyes. “I love you so much, Lagertha, I…”

  
“I know.”

* * *

“Are you in love with Astrid?” Ragnar asks, as he watches his ex-partner pack another bag to take with her. He still feels emotionally drained, and today feels like one big blur. He knows that tomorrow reality will hit him, and last time he had lost Lagertha, he had numbed the pain with drugs, but this time there is no running away from it. He is terrified, but he is trying to hide it, because he knows that this is all his own fault. If it hadn’t been for him, Lagertha wouldn’t feel like she had to leave.

  
“I’m not,” Lagertha admits. “But I like her. A lot.”

  
“Does she know?”

  
“She does. We’re not… it is only for now.”

  
“What will you do when the two of you…?”

  
“I’m not sure.” Lagertha shrugs, as she turns to face him. “Maybe I will go and travel the world. Bjorn doesn’t need me here, the boys don’t need me…”

  
“They will always need you. You’re family.”

  
“I am not though, am I?”

  
“You are,” Ragnar says, a serious look on his face. “You will always be their family, Lagertha. We need you.”

  
“I need to do this, Ragnar. I need to figure out who I am, without…”

  
“The Lothbroks?”

  
“Yes.” Lagertha flashes a small smile, as Ragnar wraps his arms around her, holding her tight.

  
“You will come back, won’t you?”

  
“You know I will.”

* * *

“You’ve been quiet all day long.”

  
“Sorry,” Athelstan mumbles, before getting into bed. He closes his eyes, but when Ragnar places a hand on the side of his neck, he knows he can’t avoid it any longer. So he opens his eyes, only to see a worried look on the other man’s face.

  
“What is it?”

  
“I’m just a little nervous about tomorrow.”

  
“The party?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Because of Floki?”

  
“He tried to kill me, Ragnar!”

  
“I know.” Ragnar sighs, and he rests his forehead against Athelstan’s. “Floki, he…”

“What if he tries to hurt me again?”

  
“He won’t.”

  
“I’m scared,” Athelstan admits. “What if he…”

  
“I won’t let him hurt you, Athelstan. I promise I will keep you safe.”

  
“I know.”

  
“But if you want to go to the police, tell them what he did, make sure he gets locked up… I will go with you.”

  
“But you said…”

  
“I took care of it, yes. But if it makes you feel safer, knowing he is locked away, then I will support you,” Ragnar says. Athelstan stares at him for a moment, trying to see if he means it, or if this is a test. But before he can figure it out, Ragnar continues. “Floki, he ehm… he hasn’t always been like this.”

  
“No?”

  
“He used to be married, and he and Helga had a little girl. He was happy… normal… well, less crazy than he is now,” he adds, and Athelstan can’t help but smile. “But the three of them got into a car accident, and Floki, he was the only one who survived. He was stuck in a car with their bodies for hours. He lost his mind that day, and he…”

  
“I had no idea,” Athelstan says, a horrified look on his face.

  
“He hasn’t been the same since. I know that what he did was horrible, but he tried to protect me. In his own, sick and twisted way, he thought he was doing a good thing.”

  
“I know, but…”

  
“But he can’t be trusted,” Ragnar sighs, and the younger man nods. “I know. That is why I will go to the police with you if that makes you feel safer. But I promise you, I will not let him hurt you.”

  
“What was his daughter’s name?”

“Angrboda.”

  
Athelstan takes hold of the cross hanging from the chain on his neck, and he closes his eyes for a moment, to say a silent prayer. Ragnar watches him, and he can’t help but smile to himself.

  
“What are you doing?”

  
“I will talk to Floki at the party tomorrow.”

“And tell him what?”

  
“That I am forgiving him.”

* * *

It’s the last day of the year, and to celebrate it, the Lothbroks are hosting a party. They had invited the whole family, and all of their friends, even Aslaug, but not everyone had shown up. Aslaug had politely declined the invitation, so had Lagertha and Astrid, and Rollo and Gisla had cancelled at the last minute.

  
But all the boys and their partners are here, even Hvitserk and Margrethe, who have been avoiding Ragnar all night. And Floki has only just shown up, but he hadn’t even said hello, he had simply grabbed himself a drink, before crashing down on the couch.

  
“Do you have a minute?” Athelstan asks, and the man looks up, raising an eyebrow.

  
“Me?”

  
“Yes, you.”

  
“No.”

“Floki, please.”

  
“No,” Floki repeats, and he is about to close his eyes again. But when he sees Ragnar glaring at him from across the room, he rolls his eyes, and he gets up. “What do you want?”

  
“I want to talk to you,” Athelstan says. “In the kitchen.”

  
Floki is about to open his mouth to object, but Ragnar is still keeping an eye on him, so he simply follows Athelstan.

  
“What do you want?” he spits out, as soon as Ragnar can’t see them, a dirty look on his face.

  
“You burned down my home.”

  
Floki shrugs, but Athelstan won’t let him get to him. Not anymore.

  
“I know you were only trying to look out for Ragnar. But what you did was wrong, Floki. You tried to kill me.”

  
“If I had wanted to kill you, you’d be dead now. Athelstan.”

  
“I am not scared of you,” Athelstan says, before flashing a small smile. “I know why you did what you did. And I forgive you.”

  
“I do not need your forgiveness,” Floki spits out. He seems insulted, but it only makes the smile on Athelstan’s face grow bigger. “You mean nothing to me.”

  
“I know.”

  
“I hate you.”

  
“I know that. But we are going to be civil to one another from now on, for Ragnar’s sake.”

  
“You…”

  
“So are we done?” Athelstan asks, and for a moment, Floki simply stares at him. But then he shrugs.

  
“I still hate you.”

  
“I know,” Athelstan smiles. “That’s okay.”

* * *

“Are you okay?” Bjorn asks, as he hands his father a drink. “Mum told me.”

  
“I asked her to stay, Bjorn. I…”

  
“I know,” Bjorn quickly says. “No one is blaming you.”

  
“If I had known this was going to happen…”

  
“What?” the young man laughs. “You couldn’t have changed her mind. You know what she’s like.”

  
“I wouldn’t have started this thing with Athelstan,” Ragnar says, keeping his voice down. But his son raises an eyebrow, an unconvinced look on his face.

  
“Yeah, you would have. You and Athelstan… that is like…”

  
“What? Like you and Halfdan?” Ragnar laughs, nudging his son in the ribs. “Huh?”

  
“Shut up. What is going on with you and Athelstan now anyway?”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“He used to be your ‘friend’ on the side, but now that you and mum have ended things… are you two going to make things official, or…?”

  
“I don’t know.”

  
“You haven’t discussed it?” Bjorn asks, but when he sees the shy look on his father’s face, he can’t help but smile. “You’re scared.”

“No, I’m not!”

  
“Yeah, you are,” he laughs. “You’re scared he isn’t as serious about this as you are.”

  
“Maybe.”

  
“I’ve never seen you like this. You really like him, don’t you?” Bjorn asks, but his father just gives a nervous nod. At the same time, Athelstan and Floki walk into the room, and as soon as Ragnar sees the man he loves, his face lights up. “Dad?”

“Mhm?”

  
“Tell him.”

* * *

“Isn’t this weird for you?”

  
“My ex-girlfriend being here?” Ubbe asks, as he looks over to Hvitserk and Margrethe, who are making out at the other side of the room. “The one who accused dad of trying to get it on with her? The one who has been manipulating our brother for months?”

  
“Yeah…,” Sigurd says, looking down at his hands, regretting he has brought it up.

  
“He’ll have to find out what she’s like sooner or later.” Torvi shrugs. “Let him enjoy it while he can.”

  
“He’s an idiot. Who would fall for that?” Ivar asks, and they all look at him. “That little act of hers isn’t even convincing.”

  
“You were the one who told him to go back to her,” Ubbe says, and his brother shrugs, a bored look on his face. “You got into his head again.”

  
“Like I said, he’s an idiot.”

  
“You get off on this, don’t you?”

  
“I get bored,” Ivar admits. “I find ways to amuse myself.”

  
“You are messing with his life!” Ubbe spits out. “You messed with Sigurd’s life!”

  
“We’re good now, aren’t we?”

  
“I guess,” Sigurd mumbles, looking down at the floor.

  
“We should have each other’s backs, Ivar. This is not… Hvitserk is going to get hurt, because you told him to…”

  
“Whoa!” Ivar cuts him off. “He chose to go back to that… her. I didn’t force him to do anything.”

  
“You didn’t force him. But you know you messed with him. It’s what you do,” Torvi says. “Why don’t you get a hobby? Put your energy to good use, huh?”

  
“Nah, I am good.”


	13. Chapter 13

Ragnar is supposed to be at work right now, but Rollo had been on his case about Lagertha leaving him all morning. Ragnar had tried to ignore it, but when Rollo had started blaming Athelstan for his family falling apart, Ragnar had snapped. He had almost ended up hitting his brother, but Floki had held him back, and he had told him to go home.

  
But Ragnar hasn’t gone home, instead he has gone to the community centre.

  
“What are you doing here? Is everything alright?”

  
“Do you have a minute?”

  
“Sure, just let me finish this,” Athelstan says, before looking down at the papers in his hands. Ragnar can’t help but notice the picture on the wall, one that was taken during one of their summer barbeques, one of all the boys, Lagertha, Ragnar and Athelstan.

  
“Oh, I… is it okay?” Athelstan asks, a shy look on his face, when he realises what Ragnar is looking at.

  
“Of course!”

  
“Do you want to go outside to talk? It’s cold, but…”

  
“Yes,” Ragnar quickly says, hoping that the fresh air will calm his nerves. And as soon as they get outside, the cold takes his breath away. But being back in the garden, it reminds him of all the time they have spent here together over the summer. Only months ago the shed had been there, and they had spent the night there, when the roads had flooded. And as he is staring at the exact spot where the bed must have been then, Athelstan grabs his hand.

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
“Do you still want me to build you a new shed?”

  
“Well, I need a place to live, so…”

  
“Yeah…” Ragnar pulls his hand free from the younger man’s grip, and he steps away from him.

  
“Ragnar, what is going on?”

  
“I don’t know how to do this,” Ragnar admits. “I am nervous, and when I get nervous, I mess things up.”

  
“Mess what up? I don’t understand…”

  
“I am in love with you, Athelstan,” Ragnar blurts out. “And I want to be with you. Not just as we are now, where we… where we have sex, and we enjoy each other’s company, but we…” Ragnar struggles to find the words, but by the pained look on his face, Athelstan understands what he is trying to say.

  
“You want to know where we stand, now that your relationship with Lagertha is over.”

  
“Yes.”

  
“I don’t know,” Athelstan admits. “I didn’t think we could ever be more than friends, so I have always tried to keep myself from getting in too deep.”

  
“So you don’t…”

  
“Love you?” Athelstan suggests, and Ragnar gives a nervous nod. “Of course I love you, Ragnar. You know I do.”

  
“But?”

  
“But you have to see it from my point of view. I was nothing more than just…,” Athelstan looks over his shoulder, to make sure no one has come out into the garden, to overhear their conversation. “I was nothing more than someone you brought into your relationship for a bit of fun, for sex. I wasn’t… This was never supposed to be about love. So I don’t know how to feel, now that Lagertha is gone. If we were to try to be something more, then maybe…”

  
“You think you are a second choice? I only want to be with you because Lagertha has left me? Is that it?” Ragnar asks. “Because that is not true. I told you, months ago, that I wanted to be with you. Or I tried to tell you, but…”

  
“I know,” Athelstan quickly says. “But all of this, it is all new to me, Ragnar. I have only ever been in one relationship before. And that was with someone who was married. So this…”

  
“We can take it slow.”

  
“I just don’t want to ruin what we have now,” Athelstan admits. “Why do we have to change anything?”

  
“We don’t,” Ragnar says, as he steps up to him. He places a hand on the side of his neck, and flashes a small smile. “We can go on as we are, if that is what you want.”

  
“It is.”

  
“And I will build you your shed,” Ragnar adds, the smile on his face turning mischievous. “Unless you prefer to stay with us.”

  
“I…”

  
“Where it’s warm, and dry… where we have a kitchen, a bathroom…”

  
“Stop it.”

  
“Stay with us, please.”

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“Yes,” Ragnar laughs, before placing a quick kiss on the younger man’s lips. He pulls him closer, but just as Athelstan wraps his arms around him, someone comes out into the garden, and they quickly step away from each other.

  
“There’s someone here to see you.”

  
“Who?”

  
“She says her name is Judith.”

  
“Judith?” Athelstan asks, the colour draining from his face in an instant. The woman gives a nod, before going back into the centre.

  
“Do you think…”

  
“Let’s see,” Ragnar says, and without saying another word, he leads Athelstan into the centre, where they find a woman and a teenager waiting for them.

  
“Judith? What are you doing here?” Athelstan asks, visibly shaking. Ragnar knows he didn’t think he would ever see his ex again, so for her to be here again, after all these years, it is like seeing a ghost.

  
“You are difficult to find, Athelstan,” Judith says, a nervous smile on her face. “But ehm…”

  
Ragnar looks at the teenager, and it takes him a moment to understand what is happening, but when he looks the boy in the eyes, he realises. But by the look on Athelstan’s face, he can tell that he doesn’t have a clue yet.

  
“What is wrong?”

  
“This is Alfred,” Judith says, and the boy sticks out a hand. Athelstan shakes it, a polite smile on his face. “Your son,” Judith then adds, and for a moment, Ragnar thinks Athelstan is about to be sick. But then he looks back at the boy, to see if he can read the truth on his face. But he can’t, and a panic can be seen on his face.

  
“He…”

  
“Is yours, Athelstan.”

  
“How old are you?” Ragnar asks.

  
“Fourteen, sir.”

  
“Fourteen,” Athelstan repeats, and he gives a little nod.

  
“Why didn’t you tell him fourteen years ago? Why now?” Ragnar asks, and the woman raises an eyebrow.

  
“And who are you?”

  
“Ragnar. Ragnar Lothbrok.”

  
“He is my partner,” Athelstan explains, and the fact that Athelstan acknowledges him as his partner, even after the conversation they have just had, it makes Ragnar feel a flutter in his stomach. But right now it isn’t important, so he tries to ignore it, and he looks back at Judith.

  
“Your… you and him…”

  
“Yes,” Ragnar says, before looking at the teenager, who is staring down at his feet, an uncomfortable look on his face. “Look, nothing against you, kid. But here you are, after all these years, claiming…”

  
“My husband and I looked after Alfred all these years,” Judith explains. “But my husband passed away last year, and I can’t deal with him anymore, okay? Do you have any idea how much work it is to look after a teenager?”

  
“We do,” Athelstan says, not even trying to hide his anger.

  
“You have children?” Judith asks.

  
“We have five. So we know how much work it is,” Ragnar spits out. “But you want to abandon him? With people he doesn’t even know?”

  
“With his father,” Judith says, the boy still staring down at his feet.

  
“Who is a stranger to him. You are willing to abandon your own son?” Ragnar asks. “What is wrong with you?”

  
“You don’t know me. You have no idea…”

  
“He is your son!”

  
“He is Athelstan’s son too.”

  
“You…,” Ragnar spits out, as he steps up to Judith, but then he stops himself, because he has never raised a hand to a woman, and he will not do it today either. But he can feel the rage burning inside of him, because he would do anything for his children, and the thought of this woman dumping her son with strangers, simply because she is tired of taking care of him, it infuriates him.

  
“Please, mister Lothbrok,” Alfred says, his voice small and scared. “If you don’t want me here, I can find somewhere else to live.”

  
“You’re Athelstan’s son, you’re family. Of course you can stay here. I’m just…”

  
“He just doesn’t understand your mother’s behaviour. That is all,” Athelstan explains, and the boy nods. “But of course you are welcome to stay with us.”

  
“Good. I have his things in my car,” Judith says, and both men look at her, dumbstruck at this new announcement. “Can I bring them in?”

  
“You can’t just…”

  
“What? I won’t be taking him home again.”

  
“Judith, please,” Athelstan tries, but the woman has already walked off. The teenager is left standing there, uncomfortable and nervous, and both men are not quite sure what to do or say. Because only moments ago, they hadn’t even known of his existence.

  
“I…,” Athelstan tries, and the boy looks up at him.

  
“It’s okay. I know she didn’t tell you about me.”

  
“I would have been there for you, if I had known.”

  
“That’s okay.”

* * *

“Who’s that?” Sigurd asks, when Ragnar and Athelstan come home later that day with Alfred.

  
“This is Alfred.”

  
“And?”

  
“He is Athelstan’s son,” Ragnar explains. “He will be staying with us for a while.”

  
“Your son?” Sigurd asks. “I didn’t know you had one!”

  
“Neither did he,” Ragnar admits. “We have only just found out about Alfred, so… it’s going to take us a moment to figure all this out. So we are going to need your help, alright?”

  
“Don’t worry,” Sigurd says, as he jumps up from the couch. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Sigurd.”

  
“Alfred.”

  
“Is he staying in Hvitserk’s room?”

  
“Yes, so…,” Ragnar begins, but before he can even finish his sentence, his son has picked up one of the bags.

  
“Come on, I’ll take you to your room. It used to be Hvitserk’s room. Hvitserk is my older brother. But he lives with my mum now, and my other brother, Ivar. Wait, how old are you…”

  
“At least Sigurd is excited,” Ragnar laughs, as he wraps his arms around Athelstan, who is still in shock about what has just happened. “Are you okay?”

  
“I had no idea! If I had known…”

  
“I know. And he knows.”

  
“She should have told me, Ragnar. Fourteen years…”

  
“You will get to know him now.”

  
“I’ve never been a father,” Athelstan whispers, making sure the boys don’t overhear him. “How do I know what to do?”

  
“You have been like a parent to my boys for nearly a year, Athelstan. You know what to do. And if you mess up… I’m sure it’ll be fine. You’ve got all of us to look out for him too.”

  
“But what if…”

  
“He’ll be fine, Athelstan.”

* * *

“How are you settling in?” Athelstan asks, as he goes into Hviterk’s old room, which had been his room for a while, which will be his son’s room now.

  
“Fine. Thank you.”

  
“I know it’s a massive change, and all of this is… I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, Alfred,” Athelstan admits. “What your mother did…”

  
“I know she loves me.”

  
“But what she did wasn’t right. You do know that, don’t you?”

  
“I know. But I forgive her for it. She needs time for herself, so…,” the teenager shrugs, staring down at his feet, and Athelstan can’t help but smile at his kind demeanour.

  
“I am glad you are here though. I want to get to know you, Alfred.”

  
“Thank you.”

  
“What is it?” Athelstan asks, when he sees his son opening his mouth, but hesitating to speak.

  
“What do I call you? And what do I call mister Lothbrok?”

  
“Well, you can call him Ragnar,” Athelstan laughs. “And ehm… what do you want to call me?”

  
“I’m not sure.”

  
“Do you want to call me by my name?”

  
“I’d like to call you ‘father’,” the boy admits, a nervous look on his face. But Athelstan can feel a warmth going through his body when he hears the words, and he is unable to hide the smile on his face.

  
“Then ‘father’ it is.”

* * *

“How do you even know he is Athelstan’s son?” Ivar asks. “She just rocks up after fourteen years and claims some kid is his? He could be anyone’s.”

  
“He is Athelstan’s son,” Ragnar says, shooting his son an angry glare.

  
“Do you have proof of that?”

  
“If you don’t keep your mouth shut, I will…”

  
“What?” Ivar asks. “We’re all thinking it.”

  
“No, we are not,” Ubbe sighs. “You are just trying to get in dad’s head.”

  
“Well, maybe just a little. But I still don’t trust him, or his mother.”

  
“They remind you of anyone?” Torvi asks, and Ragnar struggles to keep his laughter in.

  
“Oh, shut up!” Ivar spits out, before picking up his crutches and leaving the table.

  
“Is Athelstan okay?”

  
“He’s still getting used to the idea that he has a son, but… the kid seems to be settling in well. Sigurd is treating him like a little brother.” Ragnar smiles to himself, as he looks over to the two teenagers, who are sitting by the fire, most likely discussing one of their video games.

  
“What if his mother comes back?” Torvi asks.

  
“That’s what I’m worried about,” Ragnar admits. “That she’s just going to show up one day and drag him away.”

  
“Do you think she’ll allow Athelstan to still see him?”

  
“I doubt it.”

  
“I will fight her for him,” Athelstan says, and they all look up. They hadn’t realised he had come out into the garden, that he was listening in on their conversation. “She is not getting him back.”

  
“She is his mother.”

  
“I don’t care. He is my son,” Athelstan says, a determined look on his face. “What she did…”

  
“She doesn’t deserve to be his mother,” Ragnar says, and the other man agrees. “He seems happy here.”

  
“Thank you, for…,” Athelstan begins, but the two teenagers come up to the table, still laughing and chatting away. “What are you two up to?”

  
“Can Alfred come with me to the meeting tonight?”

  
“Sure, but… what about Halfdan?”

  
“He has to work tonight,” Sigurd explains. “And Alfred wants to come with me.”

  
“Sure. Go grab your things, then I’ll take you,” Ragnar says, and the teenagers quickly disappear into the house.  
Athelstan follows them, and goes up to his son’s room.

  
“Do you have a minute?”

  
“Of course.”

  
“These meetings…,” Athelstan begins, and his son flashes a shy smile. “Has Sigurd told you…?”

  
“Yes, of course.”

  
“Alfred, I… I hope you won’t get upset with me for asking, but… are you…?”

  
“Am I gay?” Alfred asks, and his father nods. “I’m not. But I had never met a gay person before I moved here. Then I found out that my father was in a relationship with a man, Sigurd is gay… to me this is all new,” the teenager explains. “and I don’t want to get things wrong. So when Sigurd told me about these meetings…”

  
“You want to go there to learn.”

  
“Yes.”

  
“You know you can always ask me or Ragnar anything if you have questions, don’t you?” Athelstan asks, and his son nods. “Or Halfdan, Bjorn’s best friend…”

  
“I know, but…,” the boy begins, but when he sees the smile on his father’s face, he stops. “What? Have I said the wrong thing?”

  
“No, I am just proud of you.”

  
“Really?”

“Yes,” Athelstan laughs. “Come here,” he says, and he pulls his son into a big hug. “Don’t ever let anyone change you, okay?”

  
“I won’t.”

* * *

When Athelstan had left for work this morning, Ragnar had been out in the garden. He had been sitting in the grass, staring out at the roses, a blank stare on his face. Athelstan had ignored it, assuming he had simply been tired, with all the changes that had gone on lately. But he has just come back from work, and Ragnar is still there, still staring at the roses.

  
“Has he been there all day?”

  
“Yeah,” Ubbe says. “Just leave him.”

  
“But he…”

  
“Leave him!” Ubbe snaps, and Athelstan looks at him, a surprised look on his face. “Don’t you know what day it is?”

  
“No… what… has something happened?”

  
“It’s the anniversary of our sister’s death,” Sigurd explains. “He is always like this on the anniversary.”

  
“I had no idea. I am so sorry. Are you okay?”

  
“We didn’t know her.” Ubbe shrugs, but there is a sadness in his eyes, and his brother looks at him, trying to keep strong. But Athelstan can see that they are struggling, and when Ubbe opens up his arms, his little brother gives him a big hug, unable to keep fighting his tears.

  
“Just let him be,” Ubbe says, and Athelstan nods, before looking out at the garden, where Ragnar is still staring out at the roses.

* * *

It’s now long after midnight, and the boys are fast asleep. But Athelstan is still up, still worrying about Ragnar, who is still out in the garden. He wants to give him his space, but he is worried, so he goes out, and sits down beside Ragnar, who looks at him, with bloodshot eyes.

  
“Ubbe told me what day it is.”

  
“I can’t stop wondering what she would have grown up to be like,” Ragnar admits. “What she would look like…”

  
“I don’t know what to say.”

  
“I know,” Ragnar sighs. “There is nothing to say, is there?”

  
“Is it okay if I pray for her?” Athelstan asks, but Ragnar just stares at him. “If you don’t want me to…”

  
“How can you believe in a God, Athelstan?”

  
“Because I have to.”

  
“Why?”

  
“I…,” Athelstan begins, but then he stops, and he looks down at the grass. “I just have to,” he eventually says.

  
“I have had to watch my little girl die, Athelstan,” Ragnar whispers. “She… she was just a baby. She was innocent.”

  
“I know.”

  
“And Lagertha, she still suffers every day. She tries to hide it, but I can see it in her eyes. The memory of that day, it is…,” Ragnar continues, but the tears start falling from his eyes, and he has to stop.

  
“What happened to you, it is…”

  
“If there is a God, why did he kill my little girl, huh?” Ragnar asks, but Athelstan doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing. “How am I supposed to believe in a God, when he took Gyda away from us?”

  
“I don’t know, Ragnar.”

  
“I respect your choice to believe, I do, but I will never be able to believe in him, Athelstan, not after what he put my family through.”

  
A long silence follows, and Athelstan feels like he should apologise to Ragnar, but apologise for what? For his faith? For being here? For having said something? But before he can think of something to say, it is Ragnar who breaks the silence.

  
“I sometimes feel like I traded her life for the life of my boys,” he admits, but Athelstan doesn’t understand. “If she hadn’t died, I wouldn’t have met Aslaug, and I wouldn’t have had my boys.”

  
“So you…”

  
“I had to give her up, in order to have the boys.”

  
“No, Ragnar! That is not… Don’t you dare think like that,” Athelstan says, and he wraps his arms around him. “You didn’t give up on her. You are a good father, do you hear me?”

  
“I miss her.”

  
“I know,” Athelstan whispers, as he strokes the back of Ragnar’s neck, trying to calm him down. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/


	14. Chapter 14

“What the hell are you wearing?” Aslaug asks, as soon as Ubbe and Torvi get out of their car. They have just arrived at the wedding venue, where they will be spending the weekend. A family member of Aslaug is getting married, and instead of holding a small party, she had decided to drag the entire family out to the other side of the country, and make them all spend a weekend together at a hotel.

  
“I’m wearing a suit.” Ubbe shrugs. “Why?”

  
“Not that. What is that on your face? And your… oh for God sake. Go clean your nails. You look like a right old…”

  
“A what?” Ubbe asks, not even hiding his anger. “I like it, so I’m wearing it.”

  
“You’re a man, Ubbe. Men don’t wear make-up.”

  
“A lot of men wear make-up, actually,” Torvi says. “Besides, he looks great.”

  
“He always looks like this,” Sigurd adds, but his mother shoots him an angry glare, so he quickly keeps quiet.

  
“Not here, you don’t. I will not have you looking like this in these wedding photos,” Aslaug says. “You either take that stuff off, or…”

  
“Or what?”

  
“Or you go home, Ubbe.”

  
“But mum…,” Ivar says, and they are all shocked that he is speaking up. “We are already late, aren’t we?”

  
“I don’t care. Fix it, now!” Aslaug spits out, before storming off.

  
“Where are Hvitserk and Margrethe?” Torvi asks, as Ubbe takes their suitcases out of the car.

  
“They have already gone inside. They were arguing when they got here, so they went up to their room,” Sigurd explains. “He should have come on his own.”

  
“She wouldn’t have let him out of her sight,” Torvi says. “That way he could have fled.”

* * *

“You cleaned up then?”

  
“Yes. But only because I don’t want to argue with you,” Ubbe says. He feels naked without the black line around his eyes, exposed. But seeing as they will be stuck together at the hotel for the rest of the weekend, he had decided it would be best to keep the peace.

  
“You look so much better now.” Aslaug smiles, and she wants to put a hand on the side of her son’s face. But he brushes her off, and joins Torvi and his brothers, who are at the bar.

  
“Where’s Margrethe?”

  
“She’s in our room. She has a headache,” Hvitserk says, but they can all see that he is lying. That more than likely, they have had another argument, and she has either locked herself in their room, or she has kicked him out.

  
“Will she be joining us tomorrow?” Ivar asks. “It would be such a shame if we would have to miss out on her lovely company all weekend!”

  
“I almost believed you there.” Hvitserk glares at his brother, but he seems to shrug it off, as he grabs his drink, and finishes it in one go. “I’m sure her headache will be over by tomorrow.”

  
“Thank God,” Torvi says. “Then maybe we can braid each other’s hair, or paint each other’s nails. Maybe I’ll ask your mum to join us too!”

  
“She still hates you then?” Sigurd asks, and Ubbe’s girlfriend raises an eyebrow.

  
“I think she hates me more than she hates Lagertha.”

  
“She doesn’t hate you. She’s just…”

  
“She hates me, Ubbe.”

  
“She does,” Ivar agrees, smiling into his drink. “She thinks you are a bad influence on Ubbe.”

  
“She tells you these things?”

  
“No, but I listen in on her when she’s on the phone. You should hear the things she says about dad and Athelstan.”

  
“Oh, really?”

  
“I think we might need another round of drinks!”

* * *

The couple has just gotten married, and the whole family is now having dinner. The Lothbroks had all tried to sit together, but there had been a seating arrangement, and most of them had been split up, so they are all stuck with people they have never even met.

  
They are all trying to make the best of it, so Hvitserk had struck up a conversation with one of his mother’s cousins. He had never met her, but his mother had grown up with her, so the woman had been happy enough to chat to him and to share stories about Aslaug. But while they are chatting away, Hvitserk can feel Margrethe’s fingernails digging into his leg.

  
“What are you…,” he begins, but when he looks up at her, he sees the angry look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

  
“I’m still here, you know?”

  
“I know, but I’m just…”

  
“Hitting on her?”

  
“She’s my mother’s cousin!” Hvitserk whispers, hoping not to offend the woman, who is waiting to continue their conversation.

  
“You have been flirting with her ever since we sat down!”

  
“Keep your voice down, will you?”

  
“Or what?” Margrethe asks, now speaking even louder. “Scared people will found out what you are doing to me?”

  
“What I… stop it!”

  
“You are a cheater, Hvitserk!” Margrethe says, as people are starting to look at them, now noticing that they are arguing. “You are hitting on another woman, right in front of me!”

  
“Stop doing this!”

  
“No, I will not let you treat me like this anymore!”

  
“I am so sorry about this,” Hvitserk apologises to everyone at his table, and to his mother’s cousin in particular. “I don’t know why she is doing this, she…”

  
“Is crazy? Is that it?”

  
“What is going on here?” Ubbe asks, as he comes over to them. “Are you okay?”

  
“We’re fine,” Hvitserk says, an embarrassed look on his face. “It’s just a misunderstanding. Come on, let’s go to our room.”  
“So you can keep me quiet again?”

  
“Margrethe, please…”

  
“You…!” Margrethe begins to shout, but Ubbe grabs her arm, an angry look on his face.

  
“Go to your room. Now!” he warns her. “I will not let you ruin this for our family.”

  
The girl looks like she is about to object, but when she sees the majority of the room staring at her, she hesitates.  
“Do you want me to come with you?”

  
“We’ll be fine,” Hvitserk says. “Thank you.”

  
He quickly leaves the room, with his girlfriend following him, but the uncomfortable silence remains in the dining room.

  
“I’m sorry about that. Young love, eh?” Ubbe says, trying to make light of the situation, trying to hide how worried he is for his brother.

* * *

“Do you think I should go see if he’s okay?” Ubbe asks, checking his phone again. He has been texting his brother all night, but he hasn’t seen or heard from him since dinner. And when he had knocked on his and Margrethe’s door, there had been no answer. He knows that they would never physically hurt each other, but still he can’t help but worry for his brother.

  
“I’m sure he’s fine. They have probably made up after their fight, and they are…”

  
“Yeah, I don’t want to think about that,” Ubbe quickly says, before checking his phone again.

  
“Let’s try and get some sleep. If they’re not at breakfast, we’ll check on them.”

  
“I guess you’re right, but…”

  
“Ubbe!”

  
“She’s crazy, Torvi. Who knows what she is capable of.”

  
“Go to sleep.”

  
Ubbe turns off the light and he closes his eyes, but he knows that he won’t be able to sleep. Not until he knows his brother is safe and well. But just as he is about to check his phone again, there is a knock on the door.

  
He jumps up, opens the door, and finds Hvitserk standing there. The tears are rolling down his face, and there are scratches on his neck.

  
“Come here,” Ubbe whispers, and he pulls him into a hug. “What has she done to you?”

  
“You were right.”

  
“I am so sorry, Hvitserk.”

  
Ubbe lets him into his and Torvi’s room, and he leads him over to the bed, where they sit down. Torvi has turned on the light by now, and she has gotten up, to pour them all a drink.

  
“What happened?”

  
“I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t cheating on her, I was just…”

  
“Talking to mum’s cousin. Yeah, I know.”

  
“I would never cheat on her!”

  
“I know.”

  
“But she…,” Hvitserk says, but then a sob escapes from him, and he looks down at the floor. “She started shouting at me, and she just… I have never seen her like that before. It was like she was possessed, Ubbe.”

  
“She scratched you?” Torvi asks, as she hands him a drink.

  
“Yes, when I tried to calm her down. I tried to give her a hug, but she…”

  
“You can’t go back to her,” Ubbe says. “She is crazy, Hvitserk. You can see that now, can’t you?”

  
“I really wanted to make it work.”

  
“I know, but she isn’t right for you. You deserve someone who loves you, who…,” Ubbe begins, but then he looks up at his girlfriend. “You deserve someone who treats you right.”

  
“What am I supposed to do now?”

  
“Is she still in your room?” Torvi asks, and Hvitserk nods. “We’ll go to your room tomorrow to pick up your things. But you are staying here tonight, with us. You can’t go back to her.”

  
“No, I’ll go stay with mum, and…”

  
“And Sigurd and Ivar?”

  
“You’re staying here,” Ubbe says. “And you have to promise me this thing with Margrethe is over now.”

  
“I…”

  
“I need you to promise me, Hvitserk,” Ubbe says, grabbing his brother’s hand in his. “No matter what she does, or says, you will not fall for it again.”

  
“I won’t.”

  
“Promise me,” Ubbe repeats, as he rests his forehead against his brother’s. “I love you, and I need you to be safe, okay?”

  
“I promise.”

* * *

“What is wrong with you?” Aslaug asks, when she comes over to the breakfast table the next morning. Her sons and Torvi are having breakfast, and they are discussing what had happened last night. They have all been trying to support Hvitserk, but when Aslaug shows up, Hvitserk looks like he is about to break down all over again.

  
“I…”

  
“Causing a scene like that!”

  
“Mum, he…”

  
“Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was?” Aslaug asks. “This is someone’s wedding, Hvitserk, and you had to go and make it all about you!”

  
“I…”

  
“Where is that girl anyway?”

  
“If you would let him speak, he would be able to explain to you what happened,” Ivar says, and his mother looks at him, a shocked look on her face, not used to him speaking back to her.

  
“She dumped me.”

  
“Oh… I am sorry to hear that.”

  
“No, you’re not. You hated her.”

  
“Well, I…”

  
“Whatever, mum,” Hvitserk says, before getting up and storming off.

  
“He is not to blame for what happened yesterday,” Ubbe says. “He had no idea what she was truly like.”

  
“I suppose…”

  
“You should go and apologise to him?” Ubbe asks, but before his mother can say something, a cousin of hers comes up to her and drags her away. “I’ll go see if he’s okay.”

  
“Want me to go with you?” Sigurd asks, but Ubbe shakes his head, and gets up and goes after his brother. He finds him outside the hotel, sitting on one of the benches, looking out at the pond. So he joins him, and puts an arm around his shoulder.

  
“Mum, she…”

  
“I know.”

  
“Do you want to stay with us for a while, until it all settles down again?” Ubbe suggests, and his brother looks up at him. “Alfred has your room now, but…”

  
“It’s fine, I can stay with mum.”

  
“You can stay with me.”

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“I’ve got to keep an eye on my little brother, don’t I?”

* * *

Athelstan is cooking dinner, when Alfred joins him in the kitchen. He has a nervous look on his face, and he actually looks like he is about to leave again. So Athelstan flashes a reassuring smile, and sits him down at the table.

  
“What is it?”

  
“I ehm… I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”

  
“Ask me.”

  
“When we met, you and Ragnar said you had children, but…,” Alfred begins, and Athelstan can already see where this is going. “And I know the boys are Ragnar’s sons, but Sigurd told me that Aslaug is their mother. And Lagertha is Bjorn’s mother. So… I was just wondering…”

  
“How am I their parent?”

  
“Yes,” Alfred admits, an embarrassed look on his face.

  
“I’m not.”

  
“Oh, but you said…”

  
“We did,” Athelstan says. “You see, the boys, they are like sons to me now, so no, I am not their parent, not really, but I love them like they are my own.”

  
“I see,” Alfred says, taking a moment to take it in. “But there is something else Sigurd said…”

  
“What?”

  
“He said that Ragnar and Lagertha had Bjorn when they were teenagers, then Ragnar met Aslaug, and they got married.”

  
“Yes.”

  
“They had the boys.”

  
“Yes.” Athelstan can’t help but smile, because Alfred seems so nervous to ask him, and he is trying his best not to get things wrong. He is trying so hard to become a part of the family, not realising that he already is.

  
“But Ragnar then went back to Lagertha.”

  
“He did.”

  
“But Sigurd said that Lagertha only moved out a few months ago.”

  
“She did.”

  
“So Ragnar was in a relationship with Ragnar until…”

  
“A few months ago,” Athelstan sighs.

  
“But I thought you and him…?”

  
“We’ve been together for about a year now,” Athelstan tries to explain, but when he puts it like this, he understands it must seem absurd to a fourteen year old boy who hasn’t grown up in the Lothbrok household. And he can see the confusion on his son’s face.

  
“So he cheated on Lagertha?”

  
“No, not at all! He and Lagertha, they ehm…” Athelstan wonders if he should explain this to him, or if he is too young for all of this. But he knows he can’t let his son go on, thinking Ragnar had cheated on Lagertha. So he can’t think of what else to tell him, other than the truth. “They sometimes dated other people, outside of their relationship.”

  
“Oh…”

  
“But they knew about it, and they had permission from each other to do so. So it wasn’t cheating,” Athelstan explains. “Lagertha has actually had a girlfriend for as long as I have known her, and she is now living with her.”

  
“But…”

  
“You can ask me,” Athelstan says, flashing a reassuring smile, when he sees the hesitant look on his son’s face.

  
“I thought that you could only ever be with one person at a time. So then… you and Ragnar, you have relationships with other people as well?” Alfred asks, and although Athelstan thought he was ready to answer every question, he hadn’t seen this one coming. Because he and Ragnar hadn’t actually discussed this, so he doesn’t even know the answer. He doesn’t want to lie to his son, but he also doesn’t want to tell him that he doesn’t know. That he isn’t sure where he stands with Ragnar.

  
But before he has to answer, Ragnar steps into the kitchen, a big smile on his face.

  
“Did I hear my name?”

  
“No, I…,” Alfred quickly says, an embarrassed look on his face. It is so obvious that he isn’t used to talking about these things, that their household had been nothing like the Lothbrok household, where everything and anything can be openly discussed.

  
“We were just discussing our relationship,” Athelstan admits.

  
“Ah! Anything you want to ask me?”

  
“No,” Alfred quickly says, before getting up, ready to leave the room. But Ragnar stops him, and he opens up his arm.

  
“Come here,” he says, and the boy comes up to him, and steps into his arms. Ragnar leans down, and whispers something into his ear, which brings a shy smile to the boy’s face.

  
“What did you say?” Athelstan laughs, but Ragnar just shrugs.

  
“Go on then,” Ragnar laughs, and the teenager leaves the room, still smiling.

  
“What did you tell him?”

  
“I heard what you told him about my boys.”

  
“You did?” Athelstan asks, a shy smile on his face.

  
“They are lucky to have you as their parent, Athelstan.”

  
“I’m not…”

  
“You are. And I know they would agree with me if they were here. They love you.”

  
“And I love them,” Athelstan admits. “I ehm…”

  
“Do you want to know what I told Alfred?”

  
“What?”

  
“I told him that he doesn’t need to worry.”

  
“About?” Athelstan nervously laughs.

  
“About me dating other people. Because I only have eyes for his father.”

  
“Shut up, Ragnar.”

  
“Because I am in love with you, and I am going to spend the rest of my life with you, and only you.”

  
“You said that to him?” Athelstan laughs, his face as red as it can get by now.

  
“I did.”

  
“You…”

  
“I meant it. I know you don’t want things to change between us, and to…”

  
“I do,” Athelstan quickly says. Ever since they had had their conversation, on the day when Alfred had come into their lives, when he had told Ragnar that he didn’t want things to change, because he was scared, he had been thinking about it. He had been starting to regret it, because change to him had seemed like a bad thing, but he had come to the realisation that change could also be a good thing.

  
“You want things to change?”

  
“Yes, I want us to be…”

  
“What?”

  
“I want us to be more than this,” Athelstan admits. “I want us to be… you know…”

  
“We already are more than we were, Athelstan,” Ragnar laughs. “We’re living together, we’re raising our sons together…”

  
“I know, but…”

  
“I meant what I said. You are it for me,” Ragnar says, before putting his hands on Athelstan’s waist. “But if you want to keep it without a label, so you feel like there is less pressure, then…”

  
“I don’t. Not anymore,” Athelstan says, a small smile on his face, and he rests his forehead against Ragnar’s. “I love you, Ragnar Lothbrok.”

* * *

“You know you moved out last year, don’t you?”

  
“He’s staying with us for a while,” Ubbe explains, as he carries Hvitserk’s and his own bag into the living room. “Margrethe, she…”

  
“We broke up,” Hvitserk explains. “and mum is acting like a total…”

  
“I see,” Ragnar quickly says, not giving his son a chance to finish his sentence. “We gave your room to Alfred, so you’ll have to sleep on the couch. Or you can take an air mattress, and…”

  
“He’s staying in my room,” Ubbe says, and Ragnar opens his mouth to speak, but he decides against it, because he knows that Hvitserk can do with his brother’s love and support right now.

  
“How was the wedding?” Alfred asks, an excited look on his face, hoping to hear stories about a party. But his father and Ragnar can already tell that it has been one big disaster.

  
“It started out with mum forcing Ubbe to take off his make-up.”

  
“She did what?”

  
“She just… it doesn’t matter,” Ubbe says, as he and his brothers join the others on the couch.

  
“She didn’t want him to wear it in the wedding photos, because ‘men don’t wear make-up’,” Sigurd explains. “She was a nightmare this weekend. And when Margrethe caused a scene at dinner, she blamed Hvitserk.”

  
“What happened?”

  
“It doesn’t matter.” Hvitserk shrugs, an embarrassed look on his face.

  
“What’s that on your neck? Did Margrethe do that?”

  
“I don’t want to talk about it. Or about her, okay? It’s done now.”

  
“Will you talk to your brother about it?” Ragnar asks. “You’re not going to bottle this up, are you?”

  
“He’ll talk to me,” Ubbe says, as he puts his arm around his brother, and pulls him into a hug.

  
“And you, don’t listen to your mum,” Ragnar says. “If you want to wear make-up, you…”

  
“I know. But I didn’t feel like arguing with her. It’s not worth the energy.”

  
“Just don’t let her get to you, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/


	15. Chapter 15

It has been just over a year since Athelstan had held his fundraiser, hoping to raise money to fix up the community centre’s garden. But instead, a handsome stranger and his son had walked into the centre, and the stranger had offered to fix up the garden himself. It has only been a year, but the meeting has led to so many things, and now that they are all here in the community centre’s garden, it makes Athelstan realise just how much has changed.

  
“It looks great,” Lagertha says, a big smile on her face. “Ragnar did a great job.”

  
“And Bjorn, Rollo… even Floki,” Athelstan admits, as he looks around the garden. “I’ve been meaning to say thank you.”

  
“I didn’t do any of the work.”

  
“Not for the garden, but for everything. I know I…”

  
“You are not to blame for what happened between me and Ragnar, Athelstan,” Lagertha reassures him, a small smile on her face. “What happened, that was… it just happened.”

  
“I know.”

  
“I’m just happy he has you,” Lagertha says, as she grabs his hand. “He loves you so much, he… I shouldn’t be telling you this, but he…”

  
“What?”

  
“I was in denial about it for a long time, but I knew he was in love with you the moment he first told me about you.”

  
“But then why…?”

  
“Did I invite you into our bed? Into our home?” Lagertha asks, a mischievous smile on her face, and Athelstan nods. “Because I wanted to get to know you. I wanted to see what he saw in you. I wanted to know who you were, before…”

  
“You got rid of me?”

  
“No,” Lagertha laughs. “I am not a jealous woman. I was hurt when he cheated on me with Aslaug, when he left us for her. But when he fell in love with you, that was different. He never lied to me, he never did anything behind my back.”

  
“If you knew he was in love with me, why didn’t you stop him from seeing me? Why not try to keep him…”

  
“Why not lock him in the house, keep him from the man he loves?” Lagertha suggests. “That is not how I want my relationship to be. That is not real.”

  
“But…”

  
“What you two have, that is real. That is something worth fighting for, Athelstan.”

  
“Why didn’t you fight for what you had?” Athelstan asks, but as soon as the words have left his mouth, he feels ashamed for having said them. “I mean… I’m sorry, I…”

  
“You wish I would have kept him from you? Make him feel miserable, and hate me in the end?”

  
“No…”

  
“Because that is what would have happened if I had tried to fight for him,” Lagertha explains. “But don’t you ever think that I did not love him. Because I love him, more than you will ever know. He is the father of my son, and…”

  
“He is Gyda’s father.”

  
“Yes.” Lagertha nods, looking down at her hand, which is still wrapped tightly around Athelstan’s.

  
“Will you be okay?”

  
“Of course. I finally get to travel the world, and go to places I have wanted to go see since I was a little girl, so… who knows where I’ll end up.”

  
“Who you’ll meet.”

  
“I think I’ll stay on my own for a while now. I quite like the peace and quiet,” Lagertha laughs, as she looks over to Ragnar and Rollo. “It’s quite the change after spending so long with the Lothbroks.”

* * *

“You think your dirty looks will make him go away?”

  
“I…,” Rollo begins, but Ragnar shakes his head, laughing.

  
“He’s not going anywhere, you know?”

  
“There is something off about him. I don’t trust him, Ragnar.”

  
“I do.”

  
“Why can’t you see…?”

  
“I love him, Rollo,” Ragnar interrupts him. “He is a good man, and he…”

  
“He made you leave Lagertha!”

  
“He didn’t make me do anything!”

  
“He got into your head, he told you his sad little story, and he…”

  
“Don’t you dare,” Ragnar warns him.

  
“I will never forgive him for what he made you do. You broke her heart, Ragnar.”

  
“What happened between me and Lagertha is none of your business.”

  
“I care for her too, that makes it my business!”

  
“I see,” Ragnar says, a mocking look on his face. “If you care so much for her, why don’t you ask her out, huh? Here is your chance before she leaves. I will not stop you, brother.”

  
“I…,” Rollo begins, but there is an embarrassed look on his face, and it takes a moment for Ragnar to understand why. But once he understands, he can’t help but laugh.

  
“You have already asked her. She said no, didn’t she?”

  
“I am with Gisla,” Rollo tries, but there is nothing convincing about it.

  
“You have been in love with Lagertha for years. It is why you outed me to her, and it is why you…”

  
“Shut up!” Rollo warns him, but Ragnar continues.

  
“You would do anything to be with her, but she…”

  
“You better keep your mouth shut, or I will…”

  
“This has nothing to do with Athelstan,” Ragnar continues. “This has nothing to do with me being with him. This has to do with you and Lagertha. That is what is has been about all along.”

  
“I…”

  
“But Athelstan isn’t going anywhere,” Ragnar says, and his brother looks like he is about to explode from rage. “So you either accept it, and start treating him right, or…”

  
“Or what?”

  
“Or we’re done, brother.”

  
“You will find out what he’s truly like,” Rollo tries one last time, but it only makes Ragnar laugh. “You would really choose him over me?”

  
“You would really make me choose?”

  
A long silence follows, before Rollo looks over to Athelstan again, who is chatting to Lagertha. He sighs, as he looks back at his brother.

  
“I suppose you could do worse.”

  
“You have no idea,” Ragnar laughs. “You should have seen some of the people Lagertha and I brought home. We…”

  
“Yeah, I do not need to know about that.”

  
“When did you get so boring, huh?” Ragnar laughs, before putting an arm around his brother’s shoulder. “Come on!”

* * *

“You’re going on tour?”

  
“Mhm.” Bjorn can’t hide the proud smile on his face, as Halfdan joins him. “It’s only a short tour for now, but…”

  
“This is only the beginning. Before you know it, we’re touring the world.”

“Yeah, let’s get this over with first, yeah?”

  
“Can I come?” Sigurd asks.

  
“You have school. But dad will take you to a couple of shows, I’m sure.”

  
“Is it okay if I come?” Alfred asks, a nervous look on his face, and Bjorn can’t help but laugh.

  
“Of course. You two come as a set now anyway, don’t you?”

  
“You never see one without the other,” Halfdan adds. “You stole my friend from me!”

  
“Oh, I’m sorry, I…”

  
“That was a joke,” Halfdan laughs. “You need to learn how to relax. We’re not going to bite, you know?”

  
“I’m just a little…”

  
“He feels like he doesn’t fit in,” Sigurd explains. “Because we’re all… you know…”

  
“It can be a little tough when you first meet the family, because it’s a big group, and it can feel a little intimidating,” Halfdan says, but then he flashes a smile. “But they mean it when they say you’re one of them. They don’t just say that.”

  
“But you’re all family, and I…”

  
“You’re family too,” Sigurd says, and the younger boy looks down at the ground, a blush on his face. “You’re our little brother. I don’t care if you’re blood or not, you are family.”

  
“He’s right, you know?” Bjorn agrees, flashing a reassuring smile.

  
“Oh, for fuck sake,” Ivar says, as he joins them. Sigurd is about to tell him to keep quiet, but his brother puts an arm around Alfred’s shoulder, and flashes a smile. It’s a sight which makes them all a bit weary of what is about to come. “I don’t often agree with my brothers, but they are right.”

  
“But…”

  
“Athelstan is family, that makes you family,” Ivar continues. “You can be my little brother, then at least I’m not the youngest anymore,” he adds, and Bjorn can’t help but smile. “So now stop moping, will you?”

  
“I…”

  
“Put a smile on your face and enjoy the party,” Ivar says, not giving Alfred a chance to speak. “With your brothers. Well, not Halfdan. He’s not your brother, because he is hooking up with Bjorn.”

  
“We’re not…,” Bjorn tries, but Ivar holds up his hand, to stop him.

  
“Shut up, Bjorn.”

* * *

“Hvitserk, come here.”

  
Hvitserk joins Ubbe and Torvi, and they sit down in the seats by the flowers. Hvitserk has been staying with Ubbe ever since he and Margrethe have ended their relationship, and Ubbe has been helping him through it. But he knows that everything is about to change, because Ubbe is about to move out, into his and Torvi’s apartment. Which means that he will have to move back into his own room, back at his mother’s house.

  
“We want to ask you something,” Ubbe says, but his brother just stares at him, a blank look on his face. “Torvi and I have been discussing it, and we would like for you to move in with us.”

  
“What?”

  
“When we get the key to our own place, we want you to move in.”

  
“Why?” Hvitserk asks, and Ubbe and Torvi look at each other.

  
“Because you’re my little brother, and I know you need your own space, away from mum. But also from everyone else. I know you’d still have to put up with us, but…”

  
“But this is your place,” Hvitserk says. “Your first apartment together.”

  
“We want you there,” Torvi reassures him, as she puts her hand on his arm. “We think it will be better for you too.”

  
“But what about… are you sure?”

  
“Yes,” Ubbe laughs. “We want you there, brother.”

  
“Then yes.”

* * *

“Do you remember when we spent the night here?” Athelstan asks, after everyone has left. He and Ragnar are lying in the grass, looking up at the stars. They are in the exact spot where the shed had been, and where they had spent the night together, all those months ago.

  
“Of course,” Ragnar laughs.

  
“That was the first time you told me ‘I love you’.”

  
“It was?”

  
“Yes. The morning after we…”

  
“I do remember that,” Ragnar whispers, before kissing Athelstan’s neck.

  
“Stop it,” Athelstan giggles, but Ragnar continues to kiss him, and it isn’t until rain starts pouring down on them, that he stops. “We had our first kiss in the rain.”

  
“We did,” Ragnar laughs, as he looks back up at the sky. “I can’t believe it’s only been a year. It feels like…,” he says, but then he sighs. “We will be here again next year, won’t we?”

  
“And every year after.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say a huge thank you if you have stuck with this until the end. I loved writing this story, and so far it is my only story for this pairing (my other Vikings stories are Bjorn / Halfdan or Ubbe / Hvitserk), but I am sure I will come back to them! Again, thank you so much! And until next time! Xx
> 
> https://samunderthelights.tumblr.com/


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